051: Beyond Modesty - Celebrating All Wins, Big and Small

Stepping into the spotlight can often come with an unexpected shadow, especially for women juggling the high-wire act of professional ambition and family life.  And in this balancing act, we tend to overlook our achievements. 

In this episode, as 2023 comes to an end, I encourage you to reflect back and celebrate your big and small wins.  Let's raise our glasses to the achievements we've made, and learn to gently let go of the aspirations that remained beyond reach this year.

This episode is not just a reflection, but a celebration of the tiny triumphs that weave the fabric of our personal growth stories. From the joy of mastering a cat-eye with liquid eyeliner to the transformative silence of a meditation retreat, I recount the steps I've taken towards a more authentic, contented self.

Hear about my Pranayama certification journey, the poignant lessons gleaned from a photo exhibit on trauma, and the pride that comes with fostering my son's independence.

Together, we'll rejoice in the beauty of life's small victories and recognize how every step forward, no matter how seemingly insignificant, marks a milestone in our ever-unfolding narrative of joy and self-discovery.

Connect with us on social media, share your experiences, and let's celebrate ourselves together.  Remember, you are worthy of celebrating yourselves!

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Transcript

Sunny Lamba: 0:00

If a woman is very successful professionally in her job or she's running a multi-figure, successful business, people say she's ignoring her kids. And, on the other hand, if a woman decided to give up her professional career to raise her kids, then people say, oh, she's wasting her education. This is Flawthentic Me, a self-love podcast for South Asian women, a place where we celebrate self-love even when we feel imperfect or flawed. A safe space where you can be raw, real and authentic. And here's your host, self-love and mindset coach, Sunny Lamba. Welcome back to another episode of Flawthentic Me. I'm your host, Sunny Lamba. I am enough, I am worthy and I am here. This episode is coming after almost three weeks, maybe more, and this time I'm not going to make an excuse that I didn't have time, because the truth is I allowed my procrastination and my perfectionism to take over and by owning up, I am admitting that these are the two challenges I face and I got to keep my eyes open and be more aware. "No more bullshit, no more secrets. We're going to stay candor in this conversation and what I'm trying to attempt is that when I make excuses then I justify not doing the podcast, but if I'm here to tell the truth now. I know that next time, if I don't publish a podcast episode, everyone who heard this one would know that I procrastinated. So I'm holding myself accountable. So I wanted to start by saying thank you. I know there is more than one million podcasts out there and for you to choose this podcast and be here means a lot to me, so I'm very, very, very grateful for you.

Sunny Lamba: 2:24

I had a couple of topics planned, but the pressure of the end of the year came on and I thought OK, well, how about Today We celebrate ourselves? So it is the end of year and so many of us are going through reflections, through looking at what did we achieve, and social media is full of the happy moments of everyone's life. People are doing recap videos and as we sit there and see their whole year downsized into 15 seconds TikTok or 15 seconds of a reel, we start doubting ourselves and we think that I haven't accomplished anything. And this morning I did an exercise where I started writing what have I accomplished this year? My goal was to write what did I accomplish, what did I do well, what did I not do well? And I wanted to accomplish, but I didn't, and then bless and release. What that means is that just bless whatever didn't happen and let it go. Let go so that we can start fresh and we can continue working towards our goals.

Sunny Lamba: 3:35

As I sat down with the pen and paper, my mind just drew a blank. I couldn't think of any accomplishments. How many of you feel that, that when someone asks you what is your biggest accomplishment in life, or tell me about two of your accomplishments, and you just draw a blank and you think, oh, my gosh, I haven't done anything? The truth is, our mind automatically goes to that place to keep us safe so that we don't get hurt in the future by thinking, oh wow, I am so powerful, I'm so amazing. And then in the future, if we don't accomplish something, we will get hurt. So our ego is trying to protect us. Our mind is trying to protect us by downplaying our accomplishments, and when someone asks us, what are your accomplishments, we go blank, also because of the expectations, and I'll talk about that in a little bit. But let me go back. So I sat down and I wanted to write down my accomplishments and I couldn't think of anything. So the best way to find out is open your phone and go to your photo gallery and scroll, go all the way back to December 2022 and start from January, and look at the pictures. Those pictures are an amazing reminder of the things you have accomplished.

Sunny Lamba: 4:54

And I'm going to start by asking you to do something similar. Take a pen and paper and write down your accomplishments of the year. What have you accomplished? And when I say what have you accomplished, what I'm saying is what are you going to celebrate? What are you celebrating yourself for?

Sunny Lamba: 5:13

Don't forget the power of celebrating small wins, because, unfortunately, most of us ignore our small wins and we only look for the big things that we have accomplished and we only want to celebrate those big moments. But if we are always waiting for the big moments and if they don't happen and of course, they don't happen on every day, when you have a big goal set up and you're working towards this big goal, you get discouraged because the goal is so far away. It's a long-term goal. It's so far away and you start doubting yourselves. You start celebrating the small wins, every single small step that you take towards this goal. Now you're in a positive mindset. Now you feel good about yourselves and you see that goal as achievable because you're making progress. You're taking small steps towards that goal.

Sunny Lamba: 6:08

The reason we only look at big accomplishments or big things that we did is because of the way the world works. If a woman is very successful professionally in her job or she's running a multi-figure, successful business, people say she's ignoring her kids, she's getting old, she should have kids, she should settle down. And on the other hand, if a woman decided to give up her professional career to raise her kids or maybe it was not her decision then people say, oh, she's wasting her education away. So here we are trying to balance. We want to succeed in business, we want to do really good in our career, in our job. We want to prove ourselves, but we are scared that if I do too much or if I succeed too much, then people are going to question me. On the other hand, we want to be there for our kids, we want to spend time with them. We have this mom guilt because the world told us to feel guilty. So we have this mom guilt. We want to be there for them, but we also don't want to compromise on our career, because what would people say? So we are walking on this tight rope of balancing the career and the family life. But what happens with this balance? We set really high expectations for ourselves. We want to do everything, we want to ace in our career. We want to come home and have a clean house and have perfect, well behaved, well fed, well dressed kids, and in doing all that, we set a very, very high standard.

Sunny Lamba: 7:47

Before we start celebrating today, I want you to remember that small wins, small things that you have done, matter. When you celebrate small things, you are giving evidence to your brain that you are amazing. So the next time self-doubt creeps in your brain can find all this evidence, it can see all these small things that you have celebrated and say, wow, you can do it because you're so amazing. And that is the power of celebrating small wins. So, as I share my accomplishments of 2023, my wins, I want you to do the same. Take a pen and paper. Start with small things, every small win in your life in the last one year, everything you accomplished. So let me start. Here are my small accomplishments.

Sunny Lamba: 8:39

I loved myself fiercely the whole year. Every time the feelings of unworthiness came up, the feelings of I am not good enough, or the feelings of others' judgment or criticism, or my own judgment, my own criticism came up. I was able to stop. Sometimes it took longer than expected, but I was aware and I was able to stop myself and say I love myself and I am powerful and I am amazing. So that's a small win, but it's a big one If you look at it in the bigger picture. Every day, if you love yourself, you can accomplish so much more.

Sunny Lamba: 9:21

Here are some other small wins. I was consistent with my working out and I started doing yoga this year again, after, I think, 10 years, and consistently. I've been doing yoga for 6 months now, 3 days a week. Yes, I missed a few here and there, but I've been very consistent and that is a huge win. The bigger win is that I can now touch my feet. I can bend down and touch my feet. I wasn't able to do that. My flexibility is so much better. I also read 15 books. This year. My goal was to read one book every month and I read more than that, so I'm celebrating that. I'm so proud of myself and I actually loved every single book that I read.

Sunny Lamba: 10:07

Our podcast finally reached 2,500 downloads. For some it wouldn't be a big number. For me it's a very big number and I'm very happy. In the last 30 days, there were 84 downloads, which means approximately 3 people listen to it every single day and I'm celebrating those 3 people and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you who listen. And if it has helped you, that is what it is for. This is a free resource for anyone who needs to have more information on building a positive mindset or on loving themselves more. So I am so happy that this podcast has reached 2,500 people and, by the way, whenever you hear me stumbling over my words, I'm not going to edit that out. I am killing perfectionism. I am done. I am just so done because I waste so much time editing my podcast and editing out. Every single time I stumble over my words. Yes, it is a professional podcast, but we all stumble. We have seen big celebrities stumble on national TV, so I'm not going to edit out those little stumbling words and stuff.

Sunny Lamba: 11:24

Okay, moving on 2023 my goal was to get out there in the physical world and make connections. We moved to Ontario in 2021 and I wanted to make friends, so I started with that. It was middle of COVID and I couldn't make a lot of friends. I couldn't go out. I started with the virtual world and I started creating connections. But this year that was my goal and I'm so proud of myself that I made so many connections. I connected with so many of you amazing women out there. I know so many of you listen to my podcast as well. And how do I know that I've made those connections and those connections are genuine and honest? Is that now, when I go to a networking event and I introduce myself and I say, hey, I'm Sunny, I have had at least five or six people say Sunny Lamba, and I just can't believe it. It means that I'm putting myself out there. This was out of my comfort zone and I'm proud of doing that. Sometimes we play small and to make others comfortable, we fit into smaller spaces and we don't show up in our full power, in our magic, and I did that. I joined a lot of WhatsApp groups, so now I am one of those aunties you know your auntie who's part of many WhatsApp groups. I'm one of those, but most of these WhatsApp groups are filled with amazing, powerful, strong business women or women who are passionate about something and they are following their passions, and I've made so many amazing connections and that I'm celebrating that.

Sunny Lamba: 13:00

I also worked on my healing. I continued working on my healing, and one of the things I did as part of that is I started doing breath work. I learned about breath work. I joined some workshops. I went to one event, which I'll do a podcast episode about that event, a full episode on that. But I also decided that breath work is my tool. That has helped me so much, so I'm going to start using that. So I am right now enrolled in a breath work certification program and I'm so proud of myself for doing that. I am going to be a certified Pranayam coach and teacher. And another thing that I did this year is that oh, this is a funny one. So I have a list here.

Sunny Lamba: 13:43

Actually, we went to Barbados and I lost a dress, a dress that I had bought last December on the cruise, and I loved this dress. It was white and blue, pure silk, very, very, very cute dress, and maybe you guys have seen it on my feed. And when we went to Barbados, I left it in the hotel and my win is that I didn't allow that to bother me too much. I was upset. I was definitely upset because I loved it. I voted on Mother's Day in Barbados and then I left it in the hotel room. I was a bit upset, but I didn't let that bother me too much. In the past I would have really, really felt bad about it and complained about it constantly for at least two months. This time I was like, whatever, it's okay. What happened is it's happened, let's move on. So that's a win. I'm celebrating that small win.

Sunny Lamba: 14:32

Another small win is that my son, neil, wanted to grow his hair long and for a moment I was like, oh my gosh, who's going to take care of that? That's going to be too much work because he has a lot of hair. He got my hair and he has a big head full of hair and they are curly and frizzy and a lot of hair and I was like who's going to take care of that? But I didn't let that stop him. I didn't let it show. I said okay, that's what you want, go ahead, do that. Because I'm trying to raise a kid who feels comfortable in his own decisions, who feels okay to make decisions, because I struggle with decision making. Growing up, we were not allowed to make these decisions. We were not allowed to even choose what I'm going to wear today. So I want him to be comfortable with that. So that's a big win. I had to let go of my programming and step into the role of that mother who's raising a strong, confident kid.

Sunny Lamba: 15:27

Another win is that I learned how to do makeup this year and I learned how to curl my hair. Now if you see a picture on social media of my curl hair, please say it's good, don't say it's bad. Anyways, yes, I learned how to do makeup and hair and I'm getting better and better at it. Here's another small win we started eating more natural, so we have been buying milk from a dairy and lots of vegetables from a farm, which means there's more work involved, because now I have to boil this milk. Good thing is that now the milk has the cream on it, the malayu on it, and I love it. It reminds me of childhood, but it has meant more work. But I have said that this is my priority and I'm going to do it and I have done it. And my husband is, of course, there to help me. I can't even start on that. He's so amazing. He literally runs this house. I don't do much, but he's been helping as well. But we kept doing that and I've been making fresh juice for myself and just eating healthy in general, and I'm so proud of myself for doing that and I'm celebrating that.

Sunny Lamba: 16:34

Going to the bigger things that I did, first one is that I took part in a photo exhibit called Perda. It is on my feed. Maybe when I post this podcast I also share some more in my stories that day. But this photo exhibit was to show trauma in South Asian women and the whole idea of the Perda was Perda is a veil. So the whole idea of a Perda was that we tend to not share our trauma and just put a veil on it and hide it, and this exhibit was about sharing your trauma. So I was a part of the exhibit and I shared my story and my trauma of losing my mom at the age of 14. Was it tough? Yes, it was very tough. Doing that photoshoot was very, very tough because in the photoshoot I'm actually holding my mom's picture and it was tough. But I did it because I want our community to talk about the trauma and only when we talk about the trauma we can heal. So I want it to become a more common practice to talk about our pains and not just hide it in the four walls. So that is something I did and I was very proud of that.

Sunny Lamba: 17:47

I also spoke at an International Women's Day event. I was one of the speakers. I am also now the president of my Toastmasters Club, so I joined Toastmasters in 2021 and this year I became the president of my club. I love my Toastmasters, I love the people, I love everything about it and one of my goals is to be a professional speaker, and Toastmasters plays a big role in that. So I'm celebrating taking on that president role. I also did a photoshoot another photoshoot for a magazine called Fabulous Over 40. So it is a magazine in which there's 40 women over 40, and it's just to show how powerful we are. It shares our stories. Actually, the magazine just came in the mail today and I actually posted a reel today about it. So that's another thing I did.

Sunny Lamba: 18:36

I went to 10 days silent meditation. I did an episode on that. That was two episodes before this one. So I went on a vipassana 10 days silent meditation retreat where there was no phone, no internet, just meditating for hours every day with a very, very rigorous, disciplined routine, no connection with the family, and I was scared going in. And if you want to know more about it. You can listen to the episode on vipassana, where I also talked to two other core students from the vipassana and we shared our experience. I was so scared going in and I'm so proud of myself that I actually did it and I loved it and I might do it again.

Sunny Lamba: 19:18

I started my membership, the you Unlocked membership, which is helping women really step into their power, know that how amazing they are, get rid of that self-doubt, overcome those limiting beliefs and show up. Show up as your authentic self. So I'm helping women through this container, through this beautiful membership. I'm connecting with some amazing women there and this membership has been a long time coming and finally this year we did it. I also coached a lot of clients this year, which has been ongoing for the last three years anyways, but I am proud that I worked with some very, very powerful women and I saw a lot of big changes that they made in their life. So that was a huge achievement for me, especially when they sent me a message saying that I was going through something and I was able to love myself through that process. Sometimes situations happen, circumstances which are beyond our control, but life is what they say. Life is 1% of what happens to us and 99% of how we react. So when these women tell me that, oh, this situation came up and I was able to love myself through it, and that feels so, so, so amazing.

Sunny Lamba: 20:30

I also did one dance performance this year. I wish there was more, but it was only one. Or was there more? No, there was only one, I can't even remember. But I did one dance performance on Adiwali party, and I'm sure there's many, many, many more, specifically the small ones. But this is it for now.

Sunny Lamba: 20:48

This is the list I made and I want you to listen to this episode and then go back and take a pen and paper and write down your accomplishments. Start with the small ones. We forget the small ones, so it's good to do this at least once. Every day, single day, before you go to bed, say I am celebrating myself today because and think of any one thing If that day all you could do was get out of bed and shower and feed your kids, then that's a huge accomplishment, because that's the face of life you are in if you have little babies or if you're going through a challenge in life, and that day, all you did was just stay positive, just push through the day, then celebrate yourself for that. And if that day you accomplished something huge which has been on your vision board, on your goals list, for a long time, then absolutely celebrate yourselves. So make that list, celebrate yourself. And then I also want you to write down the things that you think that you didn't achieve. You wanted to, but you didn't and then let it go. Burn that list, burn all those negatives, let it go. If you didn't achieve that this year, it wasn't the right time. Everything has a time of its own and this wasn't the right time.

Sunny Lamba: 22:01

So at the end, I want to share that I am planning to do a vision board workshop. I'm working on my vision board right now and I am really enjoying that, so I want to plan a vision board workshop, an online vision board workshop. I'm actually doing one also in person with the groups that I'm part of, but this one would be online. So if you're interested in knowing more about it, send me a private message and I'll share more information. I don't have a link at the moment I haven't created a link or anything right now but it would be a soul led goal setting and vision board, so it wouldn't be just saying, oh, I want this and I want this and I want this, based on what we see others achieve, because we all tend to get into that comparison mode and we want the things that others have. But this would be more going into yourself, meditating on that, really asking your soul what does your soul want? And then setting the goals based on that and then creating a vision board. So this will be a workshop coming soon. Actually, it will come in January. I know a lot of you probably already are setting your goals, but I think it would be amazing to just go back at those goals from the perspective of your soul and really connecting with your magic and then setting those goals once again. So it is coming up in January and for now, this is it.

Sunny Lamba: 23:17

Thank you so much. If this helps you come up with your small wins or your big wins, send me those wins. I want to know how you're celebrating yourself. I want to know what you're celebrating and what are you going to do to celebrate. It can be a happy dance, it can be a dinner outs out, it can just be sitting down and reflecting on it and just patting your back. But celebrate yourself and tell me how you did that. I would love to hear that. And on that note, this is Sunny signing off. Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flothentic. I hope you enjoyed this video and that you will be back with another great video, and I will see you in the next one. Thank you.