053: Crafting a Fearless Life with Paola Rosser - Part 1

Have you ever felt paralyzed by fear or ensnared in a cycle of destructive relationships? In this episode, my guest Paola Rosser joins us to unravel the threads of her own harrowing narrative, one that saw her transcend a history of loss, abuse, and the search for self-worth.
Her raw and evocative story exposes the wounds inflicted by toxic connections and the profound journey towards healing, serving as a beacon for those navigating the treacherous waters of personal transformation.

This is a two-part series and in this first part, Paola shared her journey and her struggles of finding her self-worth.

Meet Paola Rosser, the down-to-earth force behind the Fearless Female Movement. As the founder and CEO, she's driven by a mission to dismantle the chains of fear imposed by old ideologies and the subconscious mind.  Paola employs a unique blend of coaching and subconscious healing that helps women overcome their past challenges and embrace their inner power. With Emotion & Body Code as her compass, Paola leads women on a healing journey enabling them to emerge as fearless architects of their destinies.

You can connect with Paola through her Instagram
Listen to her podcast "Journey of a Fearless Female" here.

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Transcript

Sunny Lamba: 0:00

This is part one of a two part podcast. You all are on your own healing journey, as I am, but do you know that? What healing modalities do you need to work with? What are the core wounds? That's what we're going to talk about with our guest today, for let's Die In.

Sunny Lamba: 0:25

This is Flawthentic Me a self love podcast for South Asian women. A place where we celebrate self love even when we feel imperfect or flawed. A safe space where you can be raw, real and authentic. And here's your host, self love and mindset coach, sunny Lamba. Welcome back to another episode of Flawthentic Me. I'm your host, sunny Lamba, and today with me I have a very special guest.

Sunny Lamba: 0:57

Meet Heola Rosser. She is the down to earth force behind the fearless female movement. I love that. By the way, as the founder and CEO, she is the founder of Flawthentic Me. She is the founder of Flawthentic Me. That's the W店, by the way. As the founder and CEO, she's driven by a mission to dismantle the chains of fear imposed by the old ideologies and the subconscious mind. Heola employs a unique blend of coaching and subconscious healing that helps us, the women, overcome the other past challenges and embrace our inner power, with emotions and body core as a compass, on a healing journey enabling them to emerge as fearless architects of their destinies. Oh my God, welcome Paola.

Paola Rosser: 1:49

Thank you for having me on your podcast. I'm so excited to be here. Sunny was our guest on my podcast called Journey of a Fearless Female. You have to listen to our episode. We had an incredible conversation and I'm excited to have one here as well.

Sunny Lamba: 2:03

I am so looking forward to this because when I was on your podcast, as you said, it was such an amazing conversation and I know this one is going to be so, so good. So let me start by asking you to share a bit about your own healing journey. As I was reading the bio, that's the first thing that came to my mind, and how did that journey lead you to establish the fearless female movement?

Paola Rosser: 2:31

All right, let's go back to the beginning. I lost my father in 2006. 2006 is the worst year of my life. I also got out of a negative, toxic, abusive relationship, both physically and emotionally abusive. It was the worst year of my life. To say that I had a dark night of the soul is like not even describing that year. And in that year I really contemplated suicide. I had he wasn't the first nor the last boyfriend that was physically and emotionally abusive.

Paola Rosser: 3:04

I grew up in an abusive home. My mother was abusive. She would tell me to my face you know, I never really wanted you. I was one of seven children. So I like now I have a lot of forgiveness for my mom, but back then it did something to a child's psyche to be told to your face I never really wanted you. And she also said a lot of a slew of negative things. And I grew up in that environment.

Paola Rosser: 3:31

That pattern, that what would you call it love map of how you treat yourself and others. And so I learned that toxic love, abusive love, crazy, dramatic. I'm Mexican if you can't see me, but I'm Mexican, so it's called a telenovela, like kind of love, you know. And so I repeated that pattern over and over, not just in relationships but in friendships, in work relationships and coworkers. And in 2006, when, like the nail hit the coffin basically no pun intended, because actually my dad wasn't buried, he was cremated I felt just like there must be something really wrong with me, because obviously my mom told me, since I was born, that there was something wrong with me and I was made fun of because I was actually born in a car and because I was born in a car it made me different from everyone else. And so my brother would crack jokes like well, we found you in the back of a trash can and you know that being born in a car is actually a lie and my mom found you driving in the alleyway and found you in a trash can, and so, like these things as a child, you know, yes, my brother was 10 years older than me and he meant it as a joke.

Paola Rosser: 4:44

And back in the 80s, psychology and how things affect you weren't really like the talk of the town. Nobody talked about mental health in the 80s and 90s. So growing up, it was okay to be made fun of, it was okay to ridicule you till you cried. It was okay to poke fun at you. It was okay to call you names, tease you and bully you. We didn't have social media where it was like, no, you shouldn't do this. This is going to cause a lot of damage down the line.

Sunny Lamba: 5:13

And it did.

Paola Rosser: 5:14

It caused me a lot of emotional and mental damage, to the point where rewind now it's 2006, I just got out of a toxic, narcissistic relationship and my father passes within the span of three months I literally was contemplating suicide. I couldn't. I didn't know how to manage the pain. And when you grow up in a toxic environment or an abusive home and you don't have a parent or a loved one or a guardian teaching you how to self-regulate your emotions, the only way I knew out was to really out. And actually that was the first time I went to therapy. And as a person of color, therapy was not something that was ever mentioned or was ever an option. It was basically like you go to therapy if you're a crazy person or if you have bipolar, or if you're a schizophrenic, or that's what they. You know, therapy is for crazies. But I lost locas, you know, and even though my mom would tell me all the time that I was dramatic, that I was crazy, that I was this, that I was possessed by the devil, I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could not regulate my emotions. And so I remember, at work, I was bawling my eyes out at my desk and my HR director came to my office and she said you need to cut it out. You're making everyone else depressed. People can hear you crying. You can't bring this to work. You need to get yourself together or I am going to have to fire you. I'm 26 years old. So I was just kind of like I can't lose my job, I have to go to therapy. Like what do you recommend? And this white lady was like go to therapy, get your shit together. Obviously she had no heart, no empathetic. She obviously has never experienced a death in her family. So I just was like okay, I'm going to therapy. And I remember my first therapy session. I walked in thinking that this woman was going to give me a place of like, love and compassion and empathy. And I'm sitting on the couch and as she is asking me what's going on, what's you know? Tell me what brought you in. And so I just go on.

Paola Rosser: 7:31

This whole entire tangent about growing up with an abusive mom, like growing up with bully, like being made fun of because my name is different. You know, my name in Spanish is Paola and nobody could ever pronounce it. So my second grade teacher changed it and whitewashed it to Paola, and so I've been that ever since. So when I would meet Mexicans, I wasn't Mexican enough. When I would meet white people, I wasn't white enough. It was just like I always felt lost. And then to not have that that at home feeling of being home and safe, like I was lost.

Paola Rosser: 8:08

And then, to add on top of that, my ex boyfriend and I, who were living together, we broke up. And he the reason why we broke up is because I had been hiding the abuse for so long. We've been together I think for two years, and I had been hiding the abuse, and it was the beginning of 2006, it was January, and all this friends came over. They were smoking weed and playing video games and I had to go to work, and so I told him in our very small apartment to just keep it down, not like that.

Paola Rosser: 8:43

He came into the room and as he was about to put his hands around my neck, one of my friends opened the door and the look on her face was this if I was in my own lifetime movie and I felt like I'm the girl that I literally yell at the TV and say get out, go away. Why are you still in that stupid relationship? I had this aha moment, like I should not be in this relationship, he should not be able to put his hands on me. I remember packing my bags. I moved in with my sister and I mean that whole relation. The breakup was so weird for me because I'd still again didn't understand like real good, loving, nurturing love, that after two weeks I was begging for him back.

Sunny Lamba: 9:30

Yeah, I know, I was begging for him back yeah, and you never had examples of that real true love growing up, so you didn't know what that feels like no, and I just assumed this is normal.

Paola Rosser: 9:45

You, you have these like crazy. You know tumultuous breakups and you have this like fierce anger and you lay hands on each other because that's how you express love. That's how I saw my mom and dad express love. That's how I saw my brother and my sister in law express love. That's how I saw my dad express love to my sisters. That's how, I mean, I seriously saw that all the time and it was my love map, my pattern, my programming, that I thought this is how love is. And I remember going to his mom's house.

Paola Rosser: 10:19

So after my dad passed away, I was really devastated and I was just my. I was lost. I was just like a zombie. My co-worker say that like my clothes was just clinging to my bones because I was not eating, I was not drinking, I was not sleeping. I could not figure out this grief that I was feeling.

Paola Rosser: 10:38

And I remember going to see my ex-boyfriend's mom to beg her, to beg him to take me back. She, first of all, didn't even know we broke up and I'm like we've been living together for two years like he hasn't called you to tell you that we broke up. Okay, lady, whatever. So I remember she walked me into her couch and I was telling her that you know me and him broke up and she said, well, tell me what happened. And I said, well, and I just started crying and I told her. You know, he's been very negative and he'll scream at me, he'll yell at me, he'll threaten me. He leaves all the time and goes to the casino, turns off his phone, he takes money out of our bank account to, you know, play the tables when we could barely pay our rent and you know, and then she's. I told her I would stay awake on the couch all night long. I worried that he's dead, rather than worrying that he's spending our money or gambling it away.

Paola Rosser: 11:34

I was worried that he was dead and the mom is like as I'm talking, the mom is like crying and she's like he's just like his dad. She's like do you know why me and his dad got a divorce? And I said no, he never told me. And she was like, like, let's just say his name is Jerry. I don't even know what his name is now, but she said Jerry used to take money from our account and go gambling.

Paola Rosser: 12:00

He used to also turn off his phone and leave. I wouldn't know where he was at and I also would wait up all night waiting to see where Jerry would be. He also sometimes pushed me up against the wall, which my ex-boyfriend did, and she was just crying. She's like I cannot believe that he is repeating the pattern and she's like the reason why we got a divorce is because one day I got in the mail she was a nurse. She's like one day I got in the mail a letter from my 401k company that he had stolen 40 grand out of my, and when I found out and confronted him, he said I was going to double it.

Paola Rosser: 12:38

I was going to double it on the tables, yeah. And so, as she's telling me the story, I was like, if I stay with this guy, I'm going to be you in 20 years, so never mind, don't tell him. I came to visit you, I don't want him back. I went to my car and I remember going home and just having this little bit of an aha moment of like I need to change my life. And so I developed so many fight or flight patterns and mine was definitely flight patterns.

Paola Rosser: 13:06

If I couldn't, I was already on thin ice at work for crying at my desk. My ex-boyfriend and I just broke up and I had to move out of our apartment together. My father just passed away and everywhere I was in that town was just a memory of sadness. So I quit my job. I didn't have a job lined up or anything. I packed up my bags, I got a U-Haul and put all my apartment stuff in storage, broke the lease which, by the way, the lady at the lease center, she goes. Oh, I knew this wasn't gonna last and I said what do you mean? She goes, when you guys were signing the lease, he was so combative and negative towards you that I was afraid he was abusive and I was alone. He was. I just never told anyone and she's like well, good for you for getting out. And so she broke the lease with me and I packed all my stuff and I moved to Orange County, which is about 30 minutes from where I live. It was closest to the beach. I always wanted to live by the beach, but that wasn't the solution to my problem.

Paola Rosser: 14:11

I still did not know how to self-regulate my emotions and so for a year I would wake up at three, four and five in the morning crying my eyes out, like feeling still lost, like there was something inherently wrong with me, like I was unfixable, like I was broken and I did everything to try to heal this pain of grief and just feeling completely out of alignment and I didn't know what to do. The only thing I knew to do was to go to church, and I went to church three times a week. I said the Lord's Prayer many times. I said it in different inflections, trying to say like, did I say it wrong? Does Jesus not want to come into my heart? I got baptized three different times, but I still could not feel completely.

Paola Rosser: 15:07

I mean, yes, a lot of the pain subsided and a lot of the grief went away, but I went back to my old ways of handling my life, which was alcohol, partying, boys, and let's just whoop it up, right, yeah, and I did that, and I for a long time I did that, and it wasn't until, like 2006, was that my dad passed away, and 2008 was when my friend gave me the book the Secret. So for two years I was wild and out partying, doing drugs, boys, the works. I mean, I was in Vegas almost every other weekend, just partying like a rock star, avoiding my feelings, using different coping mechanisms to try to negate what I would feel. And people tell me that like, oh well, I drink alcohol because it makes me happy. It's temporary happiness because alcohol is actually a depressant.

Paola Rosser: 16:03

So, even though I would have these amazing weekends in Vegas with my friends dancing, going to the clubs, meeting guys, all kinds of things, on the drive home, it was the most depressing feeling going home and then, knowing I was going home to an empty apartment, knowing that I had everybody else, would go to their, you know, to their houses, to their parents' home to their boyfriend and I was going home to an empty apartment and there I was, yet again, alone with my thoughts.

Paola Rosser: 16:31

And when you don't have the right thoughts going through your head, the darkness sets in and the idea suicidal ideology would set in and all kinds of things would creep back into my mind. And it was just a very difficult time in my life and one of my friends saw that in me and she said you really need to read this book, the Secret. And I kid you not. The first time I read that book I was like this is amazing. How come I didn't get this in high school? But then the second thought I thought was I'm Mexican. This isn't going to happen for me. This will happen for every white person, but not for me and for some right.

Sunny Lamba: 17:12

That's me. That's me too, and I think we talked about that on your podcast too. I'm South Asian. This is going to not work for me, I know.

Paola Rosser: 17:22

And if you're a person of color and you're like listening to this you understand. If you're a white person, you don't understand, because you've never been a person of color and I grew up as a person of color in Los Angeles, in Riverside and in these areas where even my brother and sister would always tell me, or my brother especially, would always be like, oh, white people have more privilege, these people will always have this one leg up above you. And so I was raised with that mentality, that mindset that we're down here and there up here and that's where we should always stay. And so when these new ideologies came into my mind about like, oh, when you think about you bring about wherever your energy flows, your focus goes wherever you focus your energy flows, I was like this can't be true, this cannot be that simple. So I, like a researcher at heart, just put everything into a test. All right, I'm going to test this. You say that if I focus on having the first parking lot in front of target, it'll happen. And I would drive to target and the first parking lot wouldn't be available and I would say see, it doesn't work. There you go, because I'm Mexican, doesn't work and all of a sudden, somebody would pull out of the drive of the first parking lot and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is working.

Paola Rosser: 18:46

And I did it for all the things areas in my life. I wanted a new boyfriend, I wanted new friends, I wanted a new job, I wanted to travel more and I did. I got new friends, I got a new job, I got new boyfriends and I got to go to Europe with even with my friends. But all of it was toxic. My boyfriend was cheating on me, my boss was toxic, my friends were toxic and the trip in Europe was just. I remember coming back to a four page letter from one of my friends that we went on vacation with and she's like never talk to Paola ever again. She's a horrible human being, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and CC'd all of our friends.

Paola Rosser: 19:31

And at this time I'm like what am I doing again? What am I doing wrong? Am I, am I literally like on TikTok, where it says am I the drama? Yeah, am I? Am I the person? And and that was when I really started to dig deep was not only after all that bad stuff, but my ex boyfriend. When I caught him cheating on me. He choked me on the side of a restaurant and I remember having my another aha moment of like why am I back here again? I've done the therapy, I've read the books, like I know where you know, thoughts become things. Like I know this stuff. Why am I here, being choked out by a man who makes $13 an hour, Like what is what? Why am I here?

Paola Rosser: 20:20

And so I went into this like hermit mode for an entire year. I I didn't trust myself and you, you know this feeling very well. I just didn't trust my own decision-making process Because obviously I've had these friends who were backstabbing. I had a boss who was treating me like shit. I had co-workers that were being disrespected. I had co-workers that wouldn't even look at me in the face, like they would literally act like I was invisible, and all these things were happening in my life left and right, and then eventually I lost my job. So all these things were happening to me and I'm like again going back to the record that I was programmed since I was a child. There's something wrong with you. Yeah, you're unwanted, you're unlovable, you're not good enough, you're unworried.

Paola Rosser: 21:12

Yeah, all the things started to play. And when you feel that heaviness, you really do contemplate suicide, you really do want to flee again. But I was like I'm not leaving Orange County, I'm not packing up my stuff again. I have to figure this out. I'm smart, I have a college degree. I am smart enough. I know how to read. We have the beautiful internet that's at the tip of my fingertips. I need to figure this out. And again I went back to what I knew. I went back to church three times a week and again said the Lord's Prayer over and over, still feeling lost. And it wasn't until one Sunday, because during that year I went completely sober. Because when you're drinking alcohol and you're having these existential questions and you're going through these dark nights of the soul, alcohol and drugs just doesn't help it. I'm telling you right now I tried it and it didn't work.

Paola Rosser: 22:08

It didn't help, so I just went completely sober. Good to hear and so thank you. It's really a decision that I tell all my clients to make. If you're going through a divorce, if you lost your job, if you just got out of a toxic relationship, really take the time to be sober. And the reason why? Because, like I said, it's a depressant. Number one and it adds to the fuel of the negativity that's already chattering your head. And number two, when you hang out with people who are like oh, who cares, just have another drink, like no, that's not going to help you Because even though they're having a great time with you at the time that you're drinking and at the bar and dancing at the club or whatever, they're not going to be with you when you're home alone with those negative thoughts.

Sunny Lamba: 22:49

Yeah, yeah, and all it is doing is numbing your emotions and putting them aside instead of facing them and processing and healing from that.

Paola Rosser: 23:00

Exactly. And when you push the emotions down into your body, even though you feel like, oh, I got rid of them, your body keeps score. Oh yes, and it will come out in different ways, whether it's a dis-ease in your body. You know, the reason why women have so many autoimmune diseases is because they're keeping their emotions and emotions in your body. Depression is just repressed emotions.

Paola Rosser: 23:30

And so that year I was completely sober. I came home from church. On Sundays would be my Super Soul Sunday day. I would wake up, go to church, I would come home, I would clean my whole little studio, I would make myself like a steak dinner by like three or four, like an old lady, and I had my little TV tray, because I lived in a small studio apartment and so I had a little TV tray and a recliner and I would just sit in my TV tray, my recliner and my TV tray, steak dinner, and I would watch Super Soul Sunday.

Paola Rosser: 24:03

And Oprah started to like speak to me. You know, and I swear, every single guest that she had was like an angel in my ear, whether it was Tony Robbins or Jack Canfield or Gabrielle Bernstein or Michael Bernard Beckwith or Wayne Dyer, all of them were just these people that were opening up my eyes to something completely different. And every person. It was like, I like and I really believe this. When the student is ready, the teachers will appear. And I was ready, and I really do believe that my highest self was like OK, you've gone through the dark night of the soul, you are really prepared, you're asking the right questions. And I tell people all the time when you're about to start your spiritual healing journey, you're going to ask those questions, whether you're doing it out loud or in your mind. You're going to ask those questions like why am I here? What is my purpose? You know, why am I going through this much pain? Like why me? And I used to even say that out loud Like it's getting me emotional just thinking about it. Because I was alone in my small studio apartment and I would literally talk to God out loud and I would say why are you doing this to me? Like you're supposed to be this loving God. Like I go to church every Monday, wednesday and Sunday and they talk about this unconditional loving God and yet here I am suffering, like do you not love me? And I would have these questions and then, all of a sudden I started to get the answers through SuperSoul Sunday and through these authors, and I would ravish these books of like you know, the universe has your back and you know all the things.

Paola Rosser: 25:58

I read, book after book after book, and a lot of the things that they talked about was how your brain is like a super computer and it's running a program, an outdated program, and it's up to you to reprogram your brain and create the reality you want.

Paola Rosser: 26:16

So when I thought about that, I'm like I really did some digging and I was like my original program in my computer when I came out of my mom was you're not good enough, you're not worthy, I never really wanted you. You're dramatic, you're chaos, you're annoying, get away from me, like all these things that my mom, my father, my dad was an alcoholic, you know. They didn't know any better. I don't have any hatred in my heart for them because they didn't know any better. They did the things that they did with the tools that they had, you know, and the examples that they had. They had their own love pattern, they had their own you know programming. And so I remembered, like thinking about the program that was inputted into my brain and then I thought okay, you know I read books with like Bruce Lipton, and you know, yeah, bruce Lipton and also Joe Dispenza.

Paola Rosser: 27:09

And they also talk about how, because the brain is a supercomputer and it learns by repetition. Now, if you think about it, when you go to kindergarten and you learn the ABCs, they don't teach you the ABCs once and say okay, paola, you got it. You're on your way On to first grade, right?

Sunny Lamba: 27:27

No, you're repeating it over and over, and over and over.

Paola Rosser: 27:32

Right. And until you have it in your brain that you don't ever have to open up a book or look it up online to see what the pattern is. You know ABC all the way through. And so he says marketers know this. It's why they have jingles on their commercials. It's why, when you think about a certain you know auto shop, you know the auto jingle. You know, oh, oh, oh, oh, riley's auto parts, like you know it. Yeah, yeah, you know these jingles. And so when he said that, just as much as they can program you to negatively think about yourself, you could easily reprogram yourself to positively think about yourself with IM statements, with mantras and everything that you're feeding your brain.

Paola Rosser: 28:20

And at the time, I was listening to you know 90s rap. I was listening to crime podcasts. My favorite show was Grey's Anatomy and 2020 Unsolved Mysteries. I was filling my brain with more fear and more negativity and I was feeling filling myself with more like just anxiety and stress. And I would have so many sleepless nights when I would watch the news right before I went to bed because I'm thinking, oh my God, china's going to go to war and I'm going to do this. What's going to happen when the alien invasion or the zombie apocalypse, like I stopped listening to the news and I stopped watching 2020, and I stopped listening to crime podcasts and I started listening to stuff that I wanted to do, like pay off my debt. I started reading books like you know, the total money makeover by Dave Ramsey. I started listening to the 21 success principles and how to ask for things. I started creating vision boards and making lists upon lists of what I wanted in my life and within a couple of years, my whole life looked upside down and, honestly, like when this started in my life, I was unemployed, I was single, I was living in a small studio apartment, 500 square feet or less, and I had a Honda Civic that the front bumper dragged as I drove through the streets. Now, fast forward, I own $2 million homes, I have a 2024 Mercedes in my driveway, I've had multiple commas in my bank account, all my debt is paid and I am married to the love of my life, and to sit here and be able to say that and to go back and talk to that woman that was crying in her small studio apartment no-transcript I would have never believed it to be possible because I was still running that program of that would never happen for you, paola. You are unworthy, unlovable, not good enough, all the things. But it really takes the time to de-program. You have to, and it's not overnight. I'm 43, 40, could be 44. It's not overnight.

Paola Rosser: 30:37

I've been working on myself year after year and I don't stop reading self-help books. I don't stop reading or listening to podcasts or motivational YouTube. I'm now a coach and that didn't happen because I grew up saying I want to be a coach. Honestly, I never thought that that's what I wanted to be. But as a coach, the reason why I became this, or the reason why fearless females started, is because I remember thinking, like, after I got married with my husband my husband, actually, he's very successful, he's the co-founder of a company called Kajabi and when I met him he told me you don't have to work anymore, I'll take care of you.

Paola Rosser: 31:20

And I was like what Am I Ali Wong? Yeah, he's a comedian who always says I've always wanted to be the Starbucks girl who had, like you know, her Lulu lemons on and didn't have to do anything in the middle of the afternoon. I was like, am I that girl? And at first it was like an amazing thing to do, to be like just to not have to work, cause I'd been working since I was 14 and a half. But because I always had that fight or flight in me, like I was like I couldn't sit still, and so at first, when I, when I quit my job, I like organized the houses and I created all kinds of systems, I organized our closets and I read more books and all the things. But eventually I took yoga in the middle of the day and I took my friends out for coffee.

Paola Rosser: 32:13

But eventually I got bored and so I started all these different businesses, like Amazon arbitrage. I created an Etsy store, but because he was the co-founder of Kajabi, he was telling me that I need to do a course, and I did a course on how to pay off your debt, because I learned how to pay off my debt, but none of these things were like making me feel good and I and when I was a kid, I always wanted to have my own radio station. I was enamored with Rick D's in the morning, which was a big DJ in LA, and then Ryan Seacrest took over and I always wanted to have my own radio station and I actually, like, went to college for communications, television broadcasting and I had my own radio show on campus. But after I graduated I tried to work for different radio stations and they all were like sexually harassing me or telling me I should be in this business and all these things, and I didn't have the confidence or I wasn't secure enough in myself to really feel like I could make it. So whenever someone told me I should get out of this business, I was like, okay, I'll do whatever you say and I got out of the business.

Paola Rosser: 33:21

And so when my husband said what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail, I said I would love to have my own podcast and so I started. My first podcast was called Sugar and Spice and Not so Nice, and I was going to do all these gossiping about like the real housewives and Bravo TV, bravo Jeopardy's and because I really liked reality TV and I actually was casted to be on the show Big Brother. But I'm one of the people that, like, just decided not to do it at the very last minute and I realized that, like when I didn't do it. I'm still like on some Reddit forums by my maiden name and you could look me up and it'll say, like, this girl was pathetic. She didn't even go through within and as I read some of those Reddit comments I realized I don't want to be a part of this.

Paola Rosser: 34:06

I don't want to be one of those people that is talking shit about somebody who I've never met, exactly, and, like, these people are talking shit to me. And I truly believe in the secret the energy you put out is the energy you get back. And so I think I only did like maybe four or five episodes of Sugar and Spice and Not so Nice, and then I took it off and then all the people that were listening to me because towards the end I started to make episodes like, oh, I read this book and you guys should read this book. Oh, this book says this. And I started to talk about the self-help books that I was reading and people were messaging me like, can you continue that? Like I really like that part of your show, can you do this Because? And are you coaching? Because I would really like you to coach me.

Paola Rosser: 34:48

And I was like I'm not coaching and I didn't know what to do. And I had this idea of what I wanted to do and I visualized it and I journaled about it and my husband had written a book and he'd went on a book tour and I remember we were in Puerto Vallarta with this really amazing doctor His name is Dr V who's a bi-bi-bi-bi-biiatric surgeon, and he had his whole group there and they were doing a mastermind and he and my husband was there to speak. And I'm thinking I'm just gonna be there to like drink margaritas by the pool and work on my tan. And they invited me to go to the mastermind. I had never been to a mastermind. I never even knew what it was or what it was about.

Paola Rosser: 35:34

And so there I am, sitting in what looked like a cult and they had what's called a hot seat. And then they call you and you go to the hot seat. And so when he's Dr V, said my name, I was like, uh, what do you want me to do? And he's like, just go sit on the hot seat. We're going to ask you questions about your dreams and your goals. And so I'm sitting on the hot seat and you know, like a debutante wife, I was like I'm Travis Rosser's wife and I'm going to help him with his book launch and I'm going to help him with this. And he's like that's great that you're Travis Rosser's wife. I want to know what your dreams are.

Paola Rosser: 36:10

What makes your soul sing? I never been asked that question. Yeah, Probably let my Friedman on camera Ask your dream these Iss? He said Okay, and so I quietly said, well, I've always wanted to have my own podcasts and I've been thinking about relaunching a new podcast, but this time all about self-help, all about the spirituality world, all about really deprogramming your brain. And he was like, oh, that's so cool. What would you name it? And I was like I don't know. And he's writing down all these things because if you go to a mastermind, they scribe everything you're saying and then they give you all these pointers of what to do and what your next actionable steps are. And then, after the meeting, he took off the piece of paper and he gave it to me, and I remember throwing it in the trash on my way home.

Sunny Lamba: 36:56

Wow.

Paola Rosser: 36:56

Because I thought I wasn't good enough. Why that? Even though I have done all the work and this is why I tell people that you can go to many therapy sessions, you could read the books, you could go to conferences, you can do all the things, but eventually that little, if you don't heal the wounds of your childhood, they will continue to pop up.

Sunny Lamba: 37:21

Yeah, and I, they won't be as loud, but they will continue to pop up, yeah, yeah. And I'm hearing so many wounds that you've like in your whole story from the time you were born in that car and then your relationship with your mother, and there are so many parallels, by the way, with my story. I know I feel like we're soul sisters.

Sunny Lamba: 37:41

I know right, and I was a radio broadcaster and, growing up, my mother, my sister, my older sister, are very light skinned, and here I was, this dark skinned child, and I was told I was picked up from a trash can. Oh, my gosh. And then you said that I was oh, wow, there's so many parallels and being in a narcissistic relationship before you've been in several. Yes. So what I'm coming to is that all these things that you've told me from the time you were born to this day, when you this paper which had all your dreams written on it and you threw it in the trash can.

Paola Rosser: 38:23

Yeah.

Sunny Lamba: 38:24

And we're going to stop our conversation right here. In part two, we will talk to Paola about her healing journey. What are the different modalities that she used and how did she overcome self-doubt and the feelings of unworthiness? Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flawthentic. Thank you for listening to the Flawthentic Me podcast. Did you relate to something or had an aha moment? I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram at Sunny underscore Lamba. Screenshot this episode and share it on social media or just send it to your friends. You can also sign up for our newsletter so that you can get weekly tips and tools. Until next time, keep loving yourself and stay Flawthentic.