Flawthentic ME
Flawthentic ME
058: Your Kids are Watching - Watch your Words with Taneet Grewal
"As the fabric of my jumpsuit clung to every curve, I was painfully aware of how my body moved through the world, but it wasn't until my daughter mirrored my self-criticism that I realized the urgency of self-love." This revelation is just one of the powerful stories that unfold in this candid conversation with Taneet Grewal.
Taneet is an extraordinary storyteller and author whose own narrative started with a child's imaginative diaries to impactful poetry that champions mental health, gender equality, and the empowerment of women.
Have you ever considered the weight of your words and the legacy they leave, especially in the presence of our kids? This episode is a heartfelt reminder of how our behaviours and silent struggles with mental health become the unspoken curriculum for our children.
We wrap up with some light hearted rapid-fire revelations and leave our listeners with an empowering message: celebrating our authentic selves is like nurturing a tree, growing stronger and more beautiful with each passing season.
You can connect with Taneet on Instagram here.
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How many of you have heard me say that I am a hardcore feminist? Today I'm talking to another one. Let's dive in. You're going to love this conversation. This is Flothentic Mean, a self-love podcast for South Asian women. A place where we celebrate self-love even when we feel imperfect or flawed. A safe space where you can be raw, real and authentic. And here's your host, self-love and mindset coach, Sunny Lamba. Welcome to another episode of Flawthentic Me. I'm your host, Sunny Lamba, and my guest today has such a beautiful heart. I am talking to Taneet Grewal. Taneet is a storyteller and her passion for storytelling began at the age of six, with all those beautiful fictional and magical characters, and that grew into a love for journalism in post-secondary and for human rights issues. Over the past several years, her writing has centralized on mental health abuse, gender equality and empowerment for females of all ages. She has recently published a book of poetry and is currently working on a memoir. Taneet lives in Kitchener, Ontario, with her true loves, her two beautiful daughters. Welcome to the podcast, Taneet.
Taneet Grewal:Thank you so much, Sunny. I'm really, really happy to be here. I really appreciate this opportunity to talk with you.
Sunny Lamba:Okay, so storytelling. Let's go right back to that age of six. How did that storytelling shape your life and how did that shape you into becoming a poet and a writer today?
Taneet Grewal:Takes me back to a Christmas when I was around, yeah, six years old, when I got a diary for as a gift from my parents or Santa, and I just started writing from there, started with the diary entries, just writing about my day, things like that, and then that just started to evolve into writing short stories.
Taneet Grewal:I'd write about animals and then I'd write about people and I started just really getting into my imagination, escaping, I guess, what was going on at home and kind of finding comfort and solace in imaginative characters. And that's where it all really started. And so, yeah, I can say that I've been a writer for as long as I can remember and kind of lost touch with it after university when, you know, my mind kind of fell into, like so many others, student debt and you know, going into the corporate world and you know your dreams and your real passions just kind of go in the back books. Then it just became a hobby of mine, like writing on the side. I became a wife and a mom and then I started writing a blog about my mother heard journey and then I started to, you know, get back into it and finally, you know, since then, so many years later, I've got this poetry book out. Now I have a job in writing, which I never thought would you know be possible.
Sunny Lamba:I actually have a salary where you can do something you love.
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, and I also work on the side as an assistant coach for a writing program that helps other writers overcome resistance, because writing can sometimes be very, very challenging. So that's where my storytelling began and that's where it takes me to today.
Sunny Lamba:Yes, writing can be challenging. I always say this and I know it's my own. It's not a limiting belief. I think it's just not enough practice, but I struggle with writing and I always say give me a microphone, I'll talk, but don't tell me to write. So most of my posts that I put on Instagram I actually do talk to text because my thoughts flow better when I'm talking, so I do talk to text. Then I take that and then I kind of edit it and make it more, you know, reading friendly for someone who's who's reading it. Okay, so you said that you were writing as a kid, but then around after university, you know, student debt and life takes over and I feel like I relate to that because I used to write.
Sunny Lamba:I remember and I don't have any of my journals or anything. When we moved to Canada I don't know where stuff went, it just got lost in everything. But I remember I used to write a lot. I used to write all my dreams and my imagination and make up all these stories and my writing. And I've been a reader my entire life. But then writing took a backseat, and especially now the world we live in, it's like so much information you're consuming all the time. And then typing came over and I never wrote. And now I struggle with writing. And you said that you have the same thing. You don't struggle, but you have that gap in between. How did you tap back into your writing after the gap?
Taneet Grewal:Because my biggest thing was sharing my writing, keeping like even journals, like it like a physical journal with me and like, if it was just a phone, I would go on the notes app and write down my thoughts, or maybe in the middle of an ad, I can't sleep. I get up and just type something down into my phone. Those things were still happening, but it was the sharing of the writing that finally helped me break through and that's where the blog came in, where I thought, okay, I think it's okay to share, because I hadn't done that since university, when in class we're writing and we share with our peers, we share with our professors and TAs, and I was afraid to put it out there in the world because once it's out, there there for everyone to see, and it takes a lot of vulnerability to do that.
Taneet Grewal:So I had to be okay with doing that. And sometimes the things that you share, you know as a writer, it comes from not everything's fictional, it comes from very deep within, it comes from your own experiences and it takes a lot to share that, you know, and that was part of also something new for me, because I kept so much inside of me. You know, my marriage wasn't going so well. I was, you know, I had two little kids to take care of and I was, you know, far from my family. So it was a way to help me heal. It was an outlet for me, something similar to when I was a little kid. That was my outlet.
Taneet Grewal:You know I didn't have so like so many friends or I was very social growing up. I was really fine, introverted, so writing and reading was kind of my thing. So I kind of had to go back to that place of writing for healing for myself, but also wanting to share it with others so that others can heal as well, because that's where you can create connection with other people. So that was a big thing in closing that gap.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, I agree with what you said about writing is so healing. So again, my listeners who are listening and if you're one of my clients, you know that I'm so big on journaling. So I started my writing back journey with journaling. I started with the guided journals, kind of. I was so confused how do I do this? I was doing guided journals and then I came to a point where I do free flow journaling and I'm a big, big supporter of that.
Sunny Lamba:I tell all my clients go journal on this, we'll talk about it, go journal on this. And I totally agree with you Writing is so healing. It's just you and your paper and pen with you, your diary, your notebook with you and you can write your deepest thoughts. You can really process those thoughts through the process of writing. And I also find that when you write, at least like in the beginning, it's the surface level stuff and then as you start keep writing maybe two to three pages you start going deeper and deeper and deeper. So I totally agree with you on that and I am so glad that your writing helped you with your healing journey as well. Yeah, so.
Taneet Grewal:I'm gonna change.
Sunny Lamba:Okay, go ahead.
Taneet Grewal:I encourage my daughters to do the same too, especially after losing their dad. It's like my eldest daughter. It was hard for her to kind of communicate her emotions and her grief. So I said you know, here is a journal and if there's anything you think you can't talk to me about verbally, you can just write it down and we can communicate that way. Or you can keep it to yourself, but it's important to let those feelings out. So yeah, it's something that I encourage both my daughters to do as well.
Sunny Lamba:Thank you for sharing that. I know you lost your ex-husband a couple of years back and it was very hard time, especially for the girls. I have been following your journey. I loved your blog about it, that you wrote, and so anyone who's listening to journal and encourage your kids. Now I do wanna say something here.
Sunny Lamba:My son hates writing. I don't know if it's a boy thing, it's this generation. They don't write enough. Even when he has to write on a card, like a birthday card for his friend, I'm like no, your friend's birthday, you gotta write. He will write only the name of the person and his name. I'm like write something else? Yeah, that's it, I'm done. He hates to write. So I have been encouraging and he's not into creative stuff at all, like he doesn't wanna draw. I said why don't you do draw, draw something? Because I want him to tap into his creative side and I know he has that creative side, but he's very athletic. He's like full of energy, go, go, go, jumping and playing and he plays basketball and I really want him to connect with that creative side. How do you encourage someone to write? I know our conversation is going all about this, but I really want him to.
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, yeah, I know it's interesting because with kids, the more we try to, I guess, kind of sway them a certain way, they might go the opposite direction. So yeah, I think does he?
Sunny Lamba:enjoy reading at all. He loves reading. He's. All three of us in our family. We are all readers, we love to read. In fact, the book that you recommended oh, which one was it? He finished it in like two days. What was that name of the book? Oh, it's gone now. It was the picture on the cover was a boy with a backpack.
Taneet Grewal:Yes, I know what you're talking about.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, I will share it in the show notes. Sorry, I can't remember, but he literally finished the whole book in a few days. He loves to read.
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, that's great. So that's like a really great place to start with with going into kind of the world of writing. Writing and reading, at least in my experience, has kind of gone hands in hands. So I think as he gets older and maybe it'll come out naturally and more organically for him that if you notice he has a, you know because maybe boys are different this way in communicating their emotions and feelings he might feel more comfortable writing it down. Something I also love doing for my daughters is writing little notes for them and putting them in their lunch. Yeah, and sometimes they'll write one back to me which was like oh my gosh, I did not expect that.
Taneet Grewal:Like they'll put a little thank you note like thank you mommy for the delicious lunch, or thank you for the great note or whatever it was. So that's like a little thing you guys can do, or maybe that way it's like encouraging him without you actually having to say anything.
Sunny Lamba:So maybe that'll so sweet. And then he knows how much, like I always say, like I want him to write but I don't push him. But then on this Christmas, as I said, he hates to write. But he typed something for me. He made a card and he typed his feelings and I was like, okay, I'll take that, I'm happy, yeah.
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, maybe it's just the pen to paper thing that he's not a fan of. But yeah, there's definitely different ways to do it. Yeah.
Sunny Lamba:Okay, I'm going to switch gears and go back to how we started this conversation and the idea of doing this podcast came. You shared something about well, I shared something about body image and then you sent me your article that you had written about how we love our body, and we are teaching our daughters or our kids to love our bodies as well. So let's talk about that a little bit.
Taneet Grewal:Sure yeah. So I wrote an article for Brown Girl Magazine about. It's essentially about how our kids are always watching they're always listening.
Taneet Grewal:And if we're encouraging self-love to each other and to ourselves, we have to, you know, always keep in mind that they're there and they're going to imitate what we're doing. So for me, like with self-love, what kind of got me into doing self-love for myself, or at least practicing self-love? It hasn't been an easy thing for me. So there's always been, like so many other women and mothers, the constant critical voices. That's going on and doesn't ever seem to want to shut up.
Taneet Grewal:Watching my daughters now they're almost 10 and 12 years old, you know, seeing them criticize themselves like really impacted me, like I don't want them to say bad things about themselves. So when I saw that, I realized I was being a hypocrite and, you know, wanting to see them show compassion and love for themselves. But I wasn't implementing it, like to me, to my own self, when I was looking in the mirror. So I said, if I want my daughters to embrace self-love, I have to do it too, and that way they can grow up with a healthy state of mind, knowing you know their own self-worth, their inner and outer beauty, you know just how completely magical they are, so they don't grow up with that same critical voice in their head. So when I saw your post, when you posted about you know body image and the dress that you wore and your feelings about it, everything that came up for you- I was like immediately thought about the article that had just written.
Taneet Grewal:So I was like it's like fate, I just had to send it to you. Yeah.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, and it was so helpful, and so anyone who's listening at Christmas before Christmas, my husband's office Christmas party I wore this red jumpsuit and I've worn that before and I have carried it really well, but that day was just, you know, one of those days when you are not feeling good about your body. I was bloated and I felt like it just wasn't fitting in the right ways, and it also has a really deep neckline, so, which I owned. I had worn that twice before and I had owned that neckline, but this on this particular day, I was like, oh my gosh, my boobs are sagging and this neckline is looking bad and I'm bloated and it's tied around my hips. So I went to the party and I kept my jacket on, my winter coat on, actually, and it was a long winter coat, beige colored, and I kept it on and my husband's like, oh, you want to take your coat off? And I'm like, no, I'm still cold.
Sunny Lamba:The truth is I wasn't comfortable and because we do all this self love work thanks to that, I'm so grateful that somewhere around within half an hour of being in there, I went to the bathroom. Now I had like five safety pins inside this dress at different places to hold things and although this dress was really nice, I didn't need them. But because I was feeling conscious, I had double tape on both sides on my boobs and I had like safety pins. So I went to the bathroom and it took me like five minutes to like get out of all this stuff, and especially when you're wearing a jumpsuit, it's an ordeal, yeah.
Sunny Lamba:Go to the bathroom and now add to that the safety pins that I had at the back to put so that my brass trap is not showing. I struggled out of it and I had to go pee. I had like one drink and I had a bunch of water and I'm like, oh my gosh. And I'm struggling. And that's when it just hit me. I'm like, why, why am I holding myself together with these double tapes and safety pins and all? I love myself, I love my body, and if someone is judging me, that's up to them, that's not on me, that's not for me to carry. I took all the safety pins out, put them in my pocket, I removed the double tape and I walked out without my coat and I was holding my coat and my husband he kind of knew what was going on, which is interesting, and he's like, oh, you're feeling warm now. I'm like, yeah, I'm feeling good. He's like do you want me to go check in your coat? I'm like, yes, please. And the rest of the evening I was just, you know, I felt so comfortable within myself. But then I thought I have to share this, because how many of us it's holidays, we are wearing dresses and how many of us are going through that, yeah, and then you shared the article from that perspective of what are your kids watching you when you're doing that? What are they seeing? What message are they getting? I just loved how the two came together and thank you for that.
Sunny Lamba:Even though I don't have a daughter, I do make sure, because in today's world, I think boys go through a lot of self criticism as well, thanks to the bombardment of images, social media and just media in general. There's so many images and I've always made sure that I say to my son oh, your hair is so cute, you have this cute little dimple, I love your dimple, look at the eyelashes. I always say that, but you're always so cute. I always say that. But your article made me think oh my gosh, yes, he's not a girl, he's a boy, but in front of him I have criticized my body in the past. So that's such a big thing and thank you so much. How do you encourage with your daughters Like I know you said that you don't want them to and you appreciate your own body but has something ever happened where you notice something? Or how do you encourage them to just love themselves, just the way we are?
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, with Talia. She's my younger one, so she both my daughters have very, very long, amazing mermaid hair, which I'm very jealous of because I've done. That's another podcast where I like hair loss and like that whole thing. But anyway. So my youngest daughter, talia she has very fine hair and because it's so fine it gets tangled very easily.
Taneet Grewal:So sometimes she'll wake up and it'll just be like this huge nest behind her neck and I'm just seeing her deflate because of it, like she just feels so bad about it. And then she feels even worse because she says I don't take good care of my hair, I don't care at all me properly. So I have to encourage her, you know, and give her options like we can do this, this and this with your hair. You know there's options of cutting it. What do you want to do? How can I help you to do that? And that's just one example of so many things that, like you know, she wants to wear a certain thing. It's too cold to wear it. Like she's really into dresses and there was a phase where she just always wanted to wear dresses, regardless of the weather.
Taneet Grewal:And then my other daughter, anabella, the older one, she's completely out of that phase In the past few years. She just wants to wear hoodies and like loose clothing, like jumpers and jogging pants and those kinds of things. And for the first little bit, when she was going through that phase, I would like I kind of pushed back a little bit with her, like why don't you want to dress up for this event Like everyone else is going to be wearing, you know, lenga and sorry, and this and that. And she said mommy, I'm not comfortable with that, I don't want to wear it. And it hit me that I'm pushing, like this, this image onto her and I think that society would feel like, you know, not just divided, but even family members would feel more comfortable seeing her. And even though she's not comfortable, and that's not fair, yeah. So so I just let go and I said you know what wear where you're comfortable, and because of what girls wear, you're beautiful, you're gorgeous and your inner personality shines through. You know, everywhere you go You're shining light. So I don't, I don't argue with her anymore about what she wants to wear.
Taneet Grewal:She prefers to shop in the boys section of stores and I'm okay with that. I said whatever you feel comfortable in, because it's your body and it's your choice. So, and that's a learned behavior from me that, like we have to be in certain clothings, certain colors, certain clothings, whatever the case, may be something I had to unlearn because that's what we were taught. You know, I see, like cousins or cousins of cousins, they have baby girls. They get the baby's girl's ears pierced, and I never got my daughter's ears pierced because I thought why should I do that to a baby, like I don't want to punch full on baby's ears without you know. You know what I mean? Just to show everyone that I have a baby girl. She needs earrings and it's okay if you've done that. I mean, there's probably so many listeners that have you know, baby girls that they've done that for, and that's totally okay.
Taneet Grewal:Just for me it didn't feel right. So it's just like these these little things, that kind of. I guess I wasn't aware before, which now I'm super aware of, because I have one daughter who's not traditionally girly and the other one who is very girly. So you know, I have to encourage them to follow their own path.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, your body, your choice. I just loved that and it's so true. We try to fit into those boxes that definition of what a girl should wear. If you're going to an Indian party, you got to wear a langa and or a suit or a sari or something. But what if I don't want to? Yes, we want to keep our culture, but culture doesn't mean that I have to wear those girly girly clothes. I don't have to.
Sunny Lamba:And I love that thing that you said about not piercing the ears. If they want to, when they know that they want to, they can get their ears pierced. There's no big deal. That's a very deep thought, actually, and I understand if you've got it done amazing, it's perfect, it's great. But yes, that critical thinking and awareness is so important. And it brings me to that whole idea of gender equality that are we just pushing this gender on girls to tell them to behave in certain ways? And how are we suppressing their true essence and suppressing who they really want to be by telling them that you got to dress this way, you got to speak in this way, you got to talk and walk and everything.
Sunny Lamba:Laugh in a certain way. I remember one of my aunts used to always say this. That's so deeply etched in me when me and my cousin were joking around and we would laugh and she's like, couldn't I need your DNA? So don't laugh, you know. Keep your volume down and and we would lips. And then we're giggling away and never thought there was anything wrong in it. We thought, okay, well, I guess we're not supposed to looking back at it. I can't even imagine the impact it has on me. So when I am sitting in a boardroom or when I am in a, in a networking place or in any group setting and there's conversations, I am probably suppressing my voice because of that.
Sunny Lamba:So how many other ways do we suppress ourselves? How do we suppress self expression? Because we've been told, no, you got to wear certain clothes. Yeah, I just love that. It's such a deep thing. And again I come back. I have a voice. I come back to boys, but I do have four beautiful, powerful, strong nieces. They are my daughters and I see so much power in this new generation of girls that I wish I was born in now and I could express myself the way I wanted to. Because when I look at my nieces, they are, they tell the way they feel and others might say, oh, she's rude, but no, they're like I'm not comfortable, so I'm not going to do that, don't force me. And I love that because one day they're not going to struggle with what we struggle, with those limiting beliefs. You know that. Oh, my voice is not worthy.
Taneet Grewal:Exactly.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah.
Taneet Grewal:And I've witnessed this myself with within family gatherings, because my relationship with my daughters, I mean, it's been just the three of us for so long now and we've kind of we have this way of communicating with each other. I'm very, very open with them. We say we're each other's best friends, you know. So I let them speak freely. I don't stop them from expressing themselves, from having an opinion, for calling me out if I've done something wrong, if they're not comfortable with something.
Taneet Grewal:I've done as a parent, I have to be open with that, and so they don't know how to turn that off when we're in other settings like with their dad's side of the family or with my cousin groups or different aunts and uncles.
Taneet Grewal:They speak up so openly. They don't know that they have to, like how we would censor ourselves. They don't do that and other people might find it as they're very rude or they're too outspoken. And it's not the case. I mean, it's just a child speaking their mind, speaking freely, and that's okay. You have to be okay with that. And if an adult is not okay with the child speaking openly and feeling as some sort of disrespect towards them, then I think that adult needs to do some inner work themselves to find out. Why does that trigger them so much? Why is it bothering them so much that this child is speaking openly and it makes them feel a certain way.
Sunny Lamba:So yeah, it reminded me of something that happened this weekend. My son's friend was at our house. They were playing while I got a message from another mom inviting my son to her son's birthday. All three are in the same school. So I said to my husband that in our language, because the kid cannot understand that, oh, there's a birthday invitation and whatever like, are we available that it does? So I said yes to her and then I said to my husband you don't say anything because I don't know if he's invited or not. And five minutes later I thought, if my son knew that there's a birthday invitation, he would have said it to the other kid. Hey, by the way, I just got an invitation for them. He would have no sensor and that's okay.
Sunny Lamba:Why do we feel the responsibility to regulate another person's emotions? How is that person going to react? We feel responsible. I know it's not related to the same thing that we're talking about, but I was so happy that I have that awareness to realize what I just did. I was just thinking, okay, you know what, not about the kid, but his mom kids don't care. But the mom is like oh, we didn't get the invitation because in this invitation she had said that now that he's 12, he doesn't wanna have a party, he's only inviting three friends. So I wasn't sure. But that's what we do. We're like, oh, we shouldn't say something, we don't wanna hurt their feelings, which is okay. I mean, we don't wanna go out there, use harsh language, but we can still speak up our mind using a language which doesn't really hurt the other person, but we can put our point forward.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, yeah, and the kids have this kids are like, so in tune with themselves, which we have lost, and they just speak. They speak their mind, they speak what feels right to them, and that's the world we need.
Taneet Grewal:Exactly, yeah, and I remember I used to do that with my girls too, like before we went anywhere I would tell them remember to be polite, remember not to do this, remember not to do this. And I kind of stopped after a while, thinking like why am I trying to protect other people's feelings, like other adult feelings, when my only priority should be my girls? So I stopped doing that. I said do what you want, say what you want, I mean, as long as you're a respectful human being, which you are, because you know, I've taught you that.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, you know, then it's okay, it's fine, yeah, as long as you're not using abusive language or whatever but to speak your heart out. And if someone says something that you clearly know that this is disrespectful to me, then we speak up, yeah, yeah. And that brings me to the you said that you talk about. You write about mental health. This has a big impact on mental health. When we keep suppressing ourselves, when we are not able to speak up or voice our opinions, that has a huge impact on our mental health. So how did you get into writing about mental health and abuse?
Taneet Grewal:From my own experience really. So I didn't know anything about mental health until something happened in my family which I won't talk about here, but maybe another time when somebody attempted to take their own life, and that's when it kind of just shook. My whole world turned everything upside down, because this person was just like the light of our lives and we thought how could this happen? Like what, like what. And to really take a step back and start educating ourselves on how does this happen to people and how can they have just covered it all up with jokes and laughs and smiles when on the inside their world is so dark. And that wasn't until my like very, very early 20s. I had absolutely no awareness of mental health before that, and that's because and it's not their fault but our parents have no education on that at all. They don't talk about it, they don't talk about their feelings, they don't talk about going to see therapists, like if you're gonna go to a doctor you're going to a doctor for your physical ailments, being sick physically sick, not mentally.
Taneet Grewal:So we didn't know anything about it. So this was just a huge shock to us and then, from that moment on, everything changed and, doing so much research into it and also looking into it for myself, I found out that I have depression, anxiety, ADHD and these are all things like okay, how do I?
Taneet Grewal:it's not that these things are gonna take over my life, but how do I manage these things into my daily life to instill the best version of myself, especially as a mom? Speaking about those experiences through my writing not only healed, helped to heal me, but so many other people connected with me because of that. It's crazy how, like still to this day, it's something that not too many. I mean it's kind of grown a lot over social media talking about mental health and they do like mental health awareness and those types of things, but people still really don't embrace it as much as they should be and it's still free, taboo in a lot of cultures, especially ours.
Taneet Grewal:They talk about it with my daughters a lot, and that also goes hand in hand with my work and my writing about addiction and substance abuse which is very, very big in our culture as well, with mostly with alcohol.
Taneet Grewal:I mean, there could be other things too, but my experience is with alcohol, so, yeah, so just talking about it, writing about it and sharing my experiences is what, at least for me, is taking steps to break the cycle. And, yeah, and just being very open with my own daughters about it, because that didn't happen with me as a child, and I mean from age 10. I had this horrible stomach ache all the time and I just, like I, was always so upset. I had such bad stomach pain and I would complete my mom, I'd be crying to my mom. She took me to the doctor. They did so many tests. I had, like this, to put down my throat with the camera on the end of it, because they thought maybe there's something in the stomach, like maybe it's Acid reflex or whatever the case. They couldn't find anything. I was like, well, I'm feeling pain, I'm not making it up, yeah.
Taneet Grewal:I know that I'm feeling pain and it wasn't until so many years later that I realized that it was. It was depression and it started at such an early age. But all of those emotions that I kept pushing down, down, down into my body, not speaking freely about how I felt, it was like sturning inside of me, yeah, and I didn't realize that until I was an adult.
Taneet Grewal:So yeah, so now I talk about that with my daughters and so they know like when they have so many different emotions and feelings, it's totally normal and you should talk about it, because otherwise it's gonna eat away at you like literally from the inside out.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, yeah, it was the psychosomatic pains that you were feeling and interesting, that you shared, because I recently realized my entire life. I remember having headaches and, and sometimes it's pretty bad, and we joke about it. Oh, what's the reason? This time you didn't enough drink enough water, it was too sunny, it is too cold, it's windy, I'm hungry, I ate too much everything, anything, and we joke, okay, so what's the reason? Today? And I would laugh it, laugh about it, but recently in one of my meditations, I've been working a lot on Somatic healing and where is the pain in my body and where's the trauma in my body? And and one of the things that came up in a meditation was that my first headache I Remembered it so clearly was the next day after mom passed away.
Sunny Lamba:I Was 14 when I lost my mother and I remember we were on the rooftop, the mattress on which the bed, on which mom passed away, that mattress, because when she passed away she peed on, you know, the body, just you know there was peace. So the mattress was washed. We back then there was not money to buy new mattresses and stuff, so this mattress was washed and it was put in the sun on the rooftop and I was sitting on the mattress on the roof up there and I had this terrible headache and this came up in my meditation as, like Lee, I See where this has been coming from my entire life. I still haven't processed this yet. It was just a few days back, but what you said, it just reminded me of that that we don't talk about mental health.
Sunny Lamba:Back then no one talked to us. I was 14. My younger brother and sister were only 8 and 6. There was no grief counseling. No one talked to kids about what happened. In fact, for the longest time, my brother thought he was only 6. He thought mom was still in the hospital and he would have night terrors, and he's definitely struggling with mental health even now and it's so needed. You said that, yes, with social media there's so much awareness, but it's not. I know people in my family who are my age so they're not even like older generation who say, oh, all this mental health is white people stuff. We, brown people, we don't have mental health issues. Brown people don't get mental health issues.
Sunny Lamba:And I was like, okay, we really need awareness and we need to be able to support people and and thankfully, you, me and moms like us who are making sure that our kids are aware. So thank you for doing that work and thank you for talking about it, because only when we share our own struggles Then others are like oh yeah, I feel that I recently actually you mentioned ADHD. I recently realized that I think I might have ADHD, so I'm going through the process of Getting diagnosed and all that. But it really the moment I had that aha moment. I was listening to a TED talk and it was about ADHD and adult females, how it has been not diagnosed, and it was this aha moment. I'm like I have all these symptoms and now my life makes sense. Yeah Right. And it's so important to talk about it because if we don't know, we just think there's something inherently wrong with us.
Sunny Lamba:And that's what I thought. I'm like oh, I can't focus on things. There's something inherently wrong with me. I'm just not good enough. I can't do finished projects, I can't. I leave doors open. I'm the most forgetful person. This is what I believed in my about me, but now I know that this is how my brain works and I can get help. I can get better. Yeah, yeah, this is such a beautiful conversation. I'm loving it. But the next part, which I did not tell you about oh, I Love to end all my interviews with a rapid-fire round. It's, it's all coffee with current here. So are you ready? Okay, let's do this. I'm gonna start with some, like you know, fun, kind of Simple questions, and then we'll go a bit deeper. You already told me I was gonna say some of our interpreter, but you already told me. So, moving on, what's your favorite food cuisine? Maybe.
Taneet Grewal:My mom's food, her, you know fresh roti with butter and anything, any dolly.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, mom's food is the best food. Beach or mountain, see the vacation. Or nature, adventure nature, oh, okay. What is the one thing that you're deeply grateful for right now? My daughters, yeah, yeah. What's the last show that you binge watched and loved it?
Taneet Grewal:or movie, oh, oh, the crown, it's amazing.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, that's right, yeah, yeah, I'm on season two because I recently started. Yeah, yeah, so I have a lot to catch up. What is something that people often get wrong about you?
Taneet Grewal:Oh, sometimes I think I'm too nice, but I have like a. I do have my sassy side. My family knows that, though.
Sunny Lamba:Yeah, and that's where your safe space right, so you can show that sassy side more. Oh wow, we got to see that sassy side more. Give me a snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you great joy.
Taneet Grewal:Mm Either early in the morning when my eldest daughter wakes up very early. She wakes up around 5.30 on her own before me and she'll come wake me up sometimes if I'm not up and we just have like quiet time, just the two of us just sitting together. I love that and also waking up Talia because she loves to sleep in. I wake her up with kisses every morning all over her face and especially her eyebrows and her eyelids and her like little cheeks, like the apples of her cheeks.
Sunny Lamba:Oh, that's so beautiful. My son is in that face where he doesn't want kisses, so we had to make an agreement, and the agreement is that I can kiss him at bedtime, so, and then I go and then he's like OK, we've got to make a new agreement on how many, because you're doing this to, you're overdoing it, mama. Yeah, so you have to cherish those moments while we can, and again, I don't want to say it as a lack mindset, but it's just such precious moments. They grow too fast. Yes, they do. Ok, this one is an interesting one. If we made a Spotify playlist based on your life, what would be the title of the playlist?
Taneet Grewal:Oh my gosh. It would probably be Something to do with drama, because there's always something happening, something's going on, especially in my earlier part of life. It would have been drama, rollercoaster, something.
Sunny Lamba:I love that drama rollercoaster. That's going to be a fussy playlist. Yeah, ooh, I love it. Okay, what's the? If you have to describe yourself love journey in one word, how would you describe it? My?
Taneet Grewal:self love journey In one word, oh my, okay, I would say tree, because it's just growing and growing. It started as a small plant and now it's just evolving and growing.
Sunny Lamba:I love that. That's a beautiful analogy. Okay, the last question, and this is my favorite one the name of the show is Flothentic Me, so fill in the blanks.
Taneet Grewal:I am Flothentic because I am Flothentic, and with me, you know, I overthink too much. Though.
Sunny Lamba:I am.
Taneet Grewal:Flothentic. Yeah, I'm Flothentic because I'm to meat Like there's no other meat.
Sunny Lamba:So, yeah, yeah, because you are unique, I love that. Okay, so I saw a fun fact about you that you love to act and you wanted to be an actress as a kid and now it's all making sense because you used to love drama. So there's that drama and there's that fussy side, yeah, and I've seen you like I love your Instagram feed, I love how you share the books and you share your journey with your daughters, and this is going to be a deep question and there's no right and wrong answer. Why do we not get to see the sassy side of Taneet on Instagram?
Taneet Grewal:Yeah, that is a really good question and, you know, the reason is actually pretty. I mean, for me it's like, right there, the answer is my own limiting beliefs about myself and, you know, always over judging, over criticizing myself and not really just taking a leap without overthinking it. It's something that I'm hoping to break through this year, actually, and not having that belief in myself, which I mean.
Taneet Grewal:I think we all can relate to this is, you know, not thinking we're good enough or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be more successful. So I think once I can start to let go of that, I can really let go and kind of come into my own life, because I think that side of me would be actually very entertaining.
Sunny Lamba:I get you. I have my own limiting beliefs. We all do. These are the core wounds that you know. I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy. These are the core wounds that a lot of South Asian women have, especially the of our generation, unfortunately. And again, you know it doesn't matter whether you show it on Instagram or not, but I really am very happy that you're on that journey and this year you're hoping to break through. So you're doing the work and after that, it doesn't matter whether you show it on Instagram, as long as you're embracing it, and that's what matters, and I'm really looking forward to that. I can't wait. At the end, do you want to tell my listeners about your poetry book? Where can they get it? What is it about?
Taneet Grewal:Sure, yeah, thank you so much. So my poetry book is just this. You know, literally just a tiny little book that I wrote in dedication to mothers and daughters everywhere. It's called Writings for my Daughters. The same name has been social platform and my blog, which is WritingsforMyDaughterscom, and anyone anywhere can get the book. If you follow me on Instagram, it's in the link in my bio. So there you know. It's available anywhere, books or schools. So Indigo, amazon, anywhere, yeah.
Sunny Lamba:Thank you so much so I will share all those links in the show notes. You can find the need on Instagram at Writings for my Daughters. Thank you so, so, so much. I want to ask you a last nugget of wisdom.
Taneet Grewal:My last nugget of wisdom, I think, is, if you are a parent, something you know to keep in mind is try to remember what it was like for you when you were a kid. When you look at your child. What is it that, if you look at your child and imagine you at that age, what is it that you needed at that age the most? Give that to your child. That's something that I've been trying to get from my child. That's something that.
Taneet Grewal:I always do when I look at my kids what did they need from? What did I need from my parents that I, you know, for whatever reason, didn't get, that I can give to my girls now.
Sunny Lamba:That is such a beautiful lens to look at parenting from. I just so, so, so love that. Thank you so much and, on that note, thank you to all the listeners. If you found value in this podcast, please go ahead and share it. Take a screenshot. If someone needs to hear this, share it with them as well. Thank you so much, Tanit.
Taneet Grewal:Thank you very much, Tani, for having me. I really appreciate it. This is very wonderful.
Sunny Lamba:Thank you and, on that note, this is Tani and Tani signing off. Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flawthentic. Thank you for listening to the FlawthenticMe podcast. Did you relate to something or had an aha moment? I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram at Sunny underscore Lamba. You can also sign up for a newsletter so that you can get weekly tips and tools. Until next time, keep loving yourself and stay Flawthentic.