Flawthentic ME
Flawthentic ME
065: From Instant Gratification to Genuine Fulfillment - Effects of Dopamine
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How much control do you truly have over your happiness in a world dominated by screens and instant gratification?
Join me, Sunny Lamba, as I recount my personal battle with phone addiction and how it led me to uncover the profound effects of dopamine on our daily lives. Over the summer, while taking a break from podcasting and coaching, I fell into the trap of seeking constant pleasure through social media.
In this episode:
- We’ll expose the illusion of "fake dopamine" created by social media and other instant gratification sources.
- We'll discuss practical steps, like keeping your phone out of the bedroom, to regain control and enhance overall well-being.
- We explore the damaging effects of comparison on self-worth, especially magnified by social media.
- We’ll tackle how endless scrolling numbs us and prevents real growth.
- You'll learn about real dopamine sources like regular exercise, meditation, and meaningful interactions.
- We emphasize the benefits of discipline and delayed gratification to nurture lasting happiness over fleeting pleasure.
Tune in for an insightful discussion on transitioning from fake to real dopamine and discovering genuine happiness.
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I am just amazed by the power that my phone has over me. I had to hide certain apps on my phone and that is the power of dopamine, and that's what we are going to talk about today. Let's dive in. This is Flauthentic Me, a self-love podcast for South Asian women. A place where we celebrate self-love even when we feel imperfect or flawed. A safe space where you can be raw, real and authentic. And here's your host self-love and mindset coach, sunny Lamba. Self-love and mindset coach, sunny Lamba.
Speaker 1:As you're aware that over the summer, I took a break from podcasting, which means I had more time on my hand, and that meant that I did spend a little bit more time on my phone. And, as I'm getting back into the things, spending more time on podcasting and creating new masterclasses I didn't do any masterclass over the summer. I only coached my existing clients and posted on social media, but I didn't do a lot of marketing or any new masterclasses. And now, as I'm getting back into these things, I'm finding it's so hard to have time. And then I realized I'm spending way too much time on my phone. How many of you relate to that? How many of you feel that there's not enough time in your day to get your day-to-day stuff done. You don't have time to work out, or you don't have time to run your business or do all the tasks in your business, or you don't have time to even do the chores at home. And then, when you really reflect back, you realize that the reason you don't have time is because you are spending way too much time on your phone. I know I am In this episode. I want to talk about the power of dopamine, the pleasure hormone, and also how our world is surrounded with fake dopamine. We will talk about the difference between fake and real dopamine. I also want to highlight how we are using fake dopamine to numb our emotions and stay comforted. I'll give you some examples of real dopamine and we will talk about instant gratification. So let's get started.
Speaker 1:After I went to Vipassana last year which was in September 2023, I went to this 10 days silent meditation program called Vipassana. I came back and made a promise to myself that I will not be taking my phone upstairs. Now I was already not charging my phone right next to my bed. I was charging it at the end of the room on the other side of my bed, so that I don't look at it when I go to bed and I don't look at it first thing in the morning. But I took it one step further and I decided my phone will not go upstairs to my bedroom, and I think that's the best decision I made, because I have been sleeping so well.
Speaker 1:However, during the day, my phone is always around me and my excuse is that I literally run my whole business on my phone, which is kind of true, but not really true. Yes, I do have my social media and I do get most of my clients from Instagram and I post on there. But other than posting and chatting with people, answering people's questions which doesn't take more than an hour in a day, I really don't need my phone with me all the time. So what is going on? Why do I not have time to get things done and why do I feel that my phone is taking too much time? It's because of social media and it's because social media releases dopamine.
Speaker 1:Now, what is dopamine? Dopamine is a hormone or a neurotransmitter which is released in our brain and it is called the pleasure hormone. It's the one that makes you feel happy and gooey, mooey, and you know that mushy feeling of happiness and you're all like, yeah, this is amazing. That's how it feels, but unfortunately, not all dopamine is good dopamine. Unfortunately, we live in a world full of fake dopamine. On one hand, we have so much technology, humans have advanced so much, we have AI taking care of things, we have cars that drive by themselves, we are ready to build societies on a moon, but on the other hand, there is so much fake dopamine that we don't even realize that we are going down this rabbit hole of living in constant state of pleasure. You would say that what's wrong in that? Why would we not live in a constant state of pleasure? But research has shown that real happiness comes from solving life's problems. People who always are in a pleasure state do not realize the importance or do not really enjoy that pleasure anymore. But when we are faced with the challenges in life and we solve those challenges, that's what causes real pleasure.
Speaker 1:So what do I mean by fake dopamine? Well, number one, you already know, is social media and a like or a comment. How many people watched my reel, how many people liked it? How many people are commenting on it? That's a number one fake dopamine. And then there is non-stop streaming platforms like Netflix, prime Video, crave TV, hbo I don't know Apple TV lots and binge watching on these platforms. Then there is the availability of food, specifically junk food. We have food available so easily that you just have to click on an app and the food would be delivered to your doorstep. That's also fake dopamine.
Speaker 1:And then there is TikTok and YouTube. I know that's also social media, but you know the reels and TikTok videos which you just have to keep scrolling. You just have to swipe up. Swipe up in the next video 10 seconds, next one, next one and the next thing. You know, two hours have gone by, but your brain was in a constant state of dopamine release and pressure. That's why you cannot physically put your phone down. You're so hooked and so addicted.
Speaker 1:We don't realize that these apps have scientists working for them to ensure that we are addicted, to ensure that we do not quit the app. We don't leave it that we spend hours and hours and hours on these apps. That's why they show you only the things that you like. So if you enjoy personal development, it will keep showing you that. If you enjoy baking, it will keep showing you those apps. So it only shows you things that you like, so that you stay addicted.
Speaker 1:I can't even tell you how many of my clients are struggling with consistence and with their habits, and when I ask them, they say I am not able to wake up in the morning to meditate, I'm not able to work out in the morning, and when I ask them what time do you go to sleep, the answer is midnight, 1 am. Oh, what were you doing? Oh, I just was on my phone. This pandemic of this social media and phone and these videos is affecting us so much. It's affecting our health, it's affecting our relationships, because we just cannot put these devices down. Now, this podcast is not all about me saying that these phones are bad. We already are aware of that. In fact, these phones are an amazing device that we have, that we are able to create a business from our living room through just a smartphone. My business, literally, is run on my smartphone. I find all my clients on social media and I am grateful for that, but unfortunately, we're also getting addicted.
Speaker 1:So what I want to talk about is not that, oh, your phone is bad and you shouldn't be on it, but give you the science behind what is fake dopamine and what is the real dopamine and talk about why. Why are we spending so much time on our phone and how can we change that? So number one reason is that because we are not able to be consistent, we feel shame and guilt. And to avoid that shame and guilt, guilt and to avoid that shame and guilt, we numb our emotions. We don't want to feel the emotions, and that's why we are constantly on our phone or we are watching binge watching some shows on Netflix or Prime or something.
Speaker 1:And how many times has it happened to you that you're watching a show on Netflix and you're still on your phone? Why? Because you're still not feeling comfortable with your emotions. Your brain has got used to this high level of dopamine, so just watching a show is not releasing enough dopamine. It's like getting addicted to a drug. You need more and more and more to get the same high. That's exactly what this is. You need more and more and more to have the same amount of pleasure or the same amount of dopamine. So now here you are watching a show on TV, but you're still not feeling that high because it's not enough dopamine. So then you're also scrolling on your phone alongside that and you're also munching on some junk food, because you need more dopamine. Our parents or our ancestors did not have access to so much dopamine and they felt happy just doing the tasks of their day. It gave them joy, because that is the real dopamine.
Speaker 1:Choosing your phone or TV over workout feels comfortable, but in the long run it's affecting your health. And also, how many times have you not been able to work out because you wasted too much time on your phone? And I'm not saying all of you are doing that, by the way. I know that life is busy. I know some. So many of my listeners are moms and you have kids and you have full-time jobs and you don't have time. But how many times have you slept late? What if you just woke 30 minutes earlier and did a workout or a meditation? So choosing your phone over a workout then leads to a bad mood. Now you feel guilty about it. Now you're shaming yourself. Now you don't trust yourself anymore. Now you have low self-worth. Now you believe that I'm just a lazy person. See how many things it's affecting.
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Speaker 1:And then what happens is because you are so busy looking at other people's perfect lives that you feel my life is not good enough. So there's comparison going on as well, and then you feel alone because you don't have a purpose in your life. You're wasting time. And let's say you do have a purpose, you do know what you want to achieve, but you're not taking action. And how do I know I'm not sitting on a high ground here and preaching. I know because I am with you.
Speaker 1:As I said in the beginning, I'm getting back into recording my podcast and it's feeling a bit uncomfortable because I haven't done it in three and a half months. And, of course, perfectionism is kicking in. If you listened to the last episode, you know all about that. And to numb those uncomfortable emotions, I'm scrolling on my phone. And then I see everyone else is posting. And then I'm feeling even worse about myself. But look at everyone else. They are posting. I'm just not good enough. Truth is, I just have to push through that discomfort. I just have to put my phone down and push through and do what needs to be done. And sometimes you know there is nothing you can do. There are no tools other than just being hard on yourself and say that's it I'm doing. And when I say being hard on yourself, I don't mean that you shame yourself or you guilt yourself and you don't come from the place of compassion. No, you still say, hey, I love myself and I see what's going on here and I'm just going to put my phone down and I'm going to get the thing done.
Speaker 1:We live in a society where there's way too much comfort. We live in a society where there's way too much comfort. We don't like discomfort. Imagine if there's no power for 15 minutes, or there's no internet. Or remember the last time Instagram and Facebook went down for like a day Holy. We were all so confused what to do. We just don't know what to do with ourselves If there's no power in the house. We're so confused. Growing up, there was power cuts all the time and we used to go out and play, and now we just don't know what to do. We're so dependent on all these resources and I am grateful for them. Again, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I am very grateful that we have 24-7 power, we have internet, we have these devices, we have all these gadgets. Every single time I make dough for the roti. I am so grateful for my food processor because my wrists hurt. Again, that's comfort also. I mean wrists hurting at this age, like come on. But anyways, I am so grateful for all these gadgets, but we have to realize where they are taking over our life and where they are now becoming a pandemic. So, talking about comfort, we are living in a society which is going through comfort crisis. We do not like discomfort. Covid was the biggest discomfort our society went through, and how many people grew in that time. So many new businesses were born because we were all uncomfortable. And when we are uncomfortable, that is when we push through. That is when we achieve something big. Nothing grows in your comfort zone.
Speaker 1:Now that we talked about all the fake dopamine that we have around us and I also talked about why we are hooked to this because we are numbing our emotions and we are too comfortable and we like comfort. Who doesn't like to be comfortable? Let's talk about real dopamine. Real dopamine comes from things that are sometimes uncomfortable, but they lead to real pleasure. Real dopamine looks like prioritizing sleep over scrolling on your phone, prioritizing working out and waking up early over, not sleeping on time because you were scrolling on your phone. Real dopamine comes from discipline in your life. Real dopamine comes from meditation, going out for a walk and that is what we need. Yes, it's uncomfortable. Real dopamine is not always easy. It's not as easy as just swiping up. It needs work, but it will always lead to long-term happiness and joy. Here are some examples of real dopamine Regular exercise, eating healthy and I'm not saying that don't eat any sugar in your life, no, no, no, I love my dessert, but discipline I'll have one square of chocolate instead of eating a whole bar of chocolate.
Speaker 1:It comes from meditation reading, journaling, dancing, listening to music, playing with your kids, going out in nature, walking, connecting with your partner, maybe playing board games, just heart-to-heart conversations with your friends, with your family, with your partners. Me and my husband go on regular date night and we were like other couples. We came to that space. It just started happening that we would be on our phone on the date, and I'm so glad that we realized it and we decided that we will not take out our phones on the date. We'll take a picture, I'll do a couple of stories in the beginning and then the phones will go down in my purse, actually not even on the table, in fact. What I started doing is, as I say, that social media has its pros and cons and I see these reels about asking questions to connect with your partner, so I started saving those questions. So now when we go on a date, I take out those questions and I ask those questions. We ask each other the same question and our conversations have gone to such a deep level through these questions. That is real dopamine.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's hard. Working out is hard, sleeping on time is hard. Eating healthy food can be hard, sometimes until you get into a routine. Meditation is hard, because when you sit down and close your eyes and you really focus on your thoughts, your thoughts feel scary Trauma comes up. Yes, it is hard, but it is what leads to long-term happiness.
Speaker 1:Instead of instant gratification, what we need is delayed gratification. It's like planting a seed and waiting for the fruit. When you plant a seed, you don't see anything in the beginning, but you believe in it and you keep watering it, and keep watering it and a month later you see a little tiny shoot coming up. That is delayed gratification. But how amazing does it feel when you see the fruit of your labor? And then that plant takes two months, three months, especially in summer. You know the tomato plants. You start with a seed. You don't see anything for two, three weeks, and then you see a little shoot and then slowly it grows and grows and at the end of the season you have hundreds of tomatoes. How amazing does that feel? It needs patience, a lot of patience. I'm not a gardener, by the way, but I'm just giving this analogy that it's like planting that seed and then waiting for the result. That is real dopamine.
Speaker 1:When you work out, you don't see the difference in one workout or even in one week, sometimes not even in one month. But when you stay consistent, when you keep pushing through, you start seeing a difference. You start feeling healthier. You start seeing a change in your body. You start seeing that little muscle. I remember the first time when I saw a little bicep and I'm like, oh, is that a bicep? Do I have a bicep? Oh, my God, I have a bicep. But that was one year of non-consistent and then sometimes consistent, and then again falling into the trap and forgetting to work out or wasting time on social media, and then remembering again and then again falling into the trap and then remembering again and slowly and surely I got into the habit of consistently working out. Consistency doesn't look like a linear curve. Oh no, you'll give up many times and you'll start again. But keep making that promise to yourself. Keep remembering that.
Speaker 1:What is my big goal? Real happiness comes from effort and patience. At the end, I want to remind you what happens when you rely on fake dopamine. It gives you instant gratification. It feels good at that time, but in the long run it leads to health issues, mental health issues. You have constant anxiety. It leads to a lot of emotional discomfort, emotional dysregulation. It leads to lost relationships or disconnection from your friends and family. On the other hand, real dopamine is what gives you that ultimate joy and happiness. You start achieving your goals, you get healthier, you have healthier relationships, so let us be more mindful of that.
Speaker 1:I want you to identify one area in your life where you can switch from fake dopamine to real dopamine. I am someone who believes in small changes, because when you promise yourself huge changes, that from tomorrow, that's it. I'm not doing that and I'm going to do this, this, this, this. Your brain goes into freeze mode. Your brain says whoa, whoa, whoa. That is way too much. So small changes. Always In his book, atomic Habits, james Clear says that if you make 1% change every day, by the end of the year you would have made 36% change in your life. So small changes. What is that one area of your life where you're going to prioritize real dopamine over fake dopamine, real pleasure over fake pleasure? Send me a message and tell me what is that one change you're going to make? I really want to hear from you. You can connect with me on Instagram at Sunny underscore Lamba.
Speaker 1:If this episode helped you or you resonated with something, please, please, share it with your friends and your family or share it on your social media. Don't forget to tag me at Sunny underscore Lamba. I know, on one side I'm saying social media is bad. On the other hand, I'm saying please share it on social media. But, as I said, social media is not bad as long as you don't let it control your life.
Speaker 1:In fact, I literally had to hide my Facebook app, instagram app and WhatsApp. Those were my three big time consumers. I had to hide them on my phone. I had to like I can't even explain how, but on Samsung you have lots of like pages that you swipe I don't know what to call them and I took these three apps and I put them like 10 pages away, far away, so that it becomes uncomfortable to get to the app. Let's see how that goes. I've done that. It's been a week now. It's going pretty well. And here I am recording my podcast episodes and going more for real dopamine and not the fake dopamine. And on that note, this is Sunny signing off. Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flauthentic. Did you relate to something or had an aha moment? I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram at Sunny, underscore Lamba. You can also sign up for a newsletter so that you can get weekly tips and tools. Until next time, keep loving yourself and stay Flauthentic.