Flawthentic ME
Flawthentic ME
072: Coffee Date with my Younger Self - A Valentine's Special
What would you say to your younger self over a cup of coffee? In this episode, I went on this unique exploration into that poignant yet inspiring idea.
Picture this: sitting across the table from your younger self, thanking her for her unyielding perseverance and courage. Inspired by a popular Instagram trend, this is my heartfelt love letter to the past versions of me acknowledging the struggles and triumphs that laid down the foundation for who we've become.
Travel back with me to a time:
- when the pieces of my life felt scattered after my first marriage ended,
- when my younger version was frazzled, carrying the weight of societal pressures, yet resilient in her pursuit of love,
- when she was questioning herself at every step, and
- when she was mad at the world and at herself.
I am so grateful for my younger self's persistence. This episode is a celebration of healing and self-discovery.
We journeyed through childhood experiences that shaped us, from the loss of our mom to shouldering adult responsibilities at a young age. These early challenges sparked feelings of jealousy and anger, which I learned to transform through understanding and forgiveness.
I invite you to reflect on your own path of healing. Embrace every stage of your life, reaffirm your self-love and worth, and dance joyfully to the rhythm of your unique story.
I am thrilled to invite you to a free two-day inner child healing workshop to deepen this transformative journey. Join Here
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I wonder what she would be like. I'm meeting my younger self for coffee today. At least that's what I'm talking about. Let's dive in. This is Flauthentic Me, a self-love podcast for South Asian women. A place where we celebrate self-love even when we feel imperfect or flawed. A safe space where you can be raw, real and authentic. And here's your host, self-love and mindset coach, sunny Lamba. Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Flawthentic Me. I'm your host, sunny Lamba.
Speaker 1:There is a trend going on on Instagram where you write about how you met your younger self for coffee and how it went. And, of course, I hopped on the trend. I usually don't hop on every trend, but this one just felt so right and so close to my heart and I said, hey, let me do this. So I posted about it. But after I posted, I realized I had so much more to say, so much more. So I decided that I'm going to do a podcast on this. What would my younger self will be like? And because it's Valentine's Day, I thought why not record this whole podcast as a love letter to myself or my younger self? And that's what I'm doing today, because I am my own Valentine forever, even though you know, I have so many other Valentines in my life and Galentines in my life, but I am my own Valentines always, first and foremost. So this podcast is just my little love letter to my younger version.
Speaker 1:As you listen to this podcast, I want you to think about it as well. Actually, I want you to do this. Go for a coffee by yourself, imagining that your younger self is sitting right next to you or right across from you, and how would that go? How would the conversations be like? And as you're sitting there in the coffee shop with a nice coffee or, in my case, a green tea, because I don't drink coffee I want you to take a journal with you and write, write a letter to your younger self. What was she like? What were her fears, what did she believe in or what did she not believe in, and tell her how amazing it has been. Or, if it has not been, then what happened. Talk to her.
Speaker 1:But I want to share with you in this episode how my coffee date with my younger self would be like and what the conversations would be like. And how was she and how have I changed? How has she changed? But I want to start by saying that I'm so, so, so grateful to her, because if she didn't put in all the work, all the hard work that she did, if she didn't throw in the towel and if she well, she didn't throw in the towel. So if she, the reason she kept going is why I'm here today and I'm so grateful for her for doing the work, the hard work of personal development, for questioning herself, for doubting herself, for all the fears and everything, and then going through those fears to become this person today and one day, maybe 10 years down the line, that version of me, that older version, is going to look at me today and hopefully be grateful for all the work that I'm doing and the healing that I'm doing. But before I start really talking about what my younger self was like, I want to tell you that I'm doing a two days inner child healing workshop. This is on February 25th and 26th. It's a free workshop, it's two days and because we're talking to a younger self, so this just goes so hand in hand that inner child healing work. So do jump in. I'm going to post the link in the show notes for now.
Speaker 1:So what happened? I met my younger self in a coffee shop, of course not drinking coffee. She came in late, probably about 15 minutes late, not more than that. She was never that person who would be like an hour late, but she was probably 10 to 15 minutes late, all frazzled and just trying to get there and so confused and worried that, oh my God, I'm late. What would people say? What would Sunny say? I'm going to meet her and I'm late. What would she think about me? Is she going to judge me? And she comes running in all confused, looking for me everywhere While I sat there. I got there 10 minutes early, found a good parking spot, waited in the car for a few minutes because I didn't want to go in that early, and then I went in about five minutes before and got a nice table and I waited for her.
Speaker 1:So while she came in all frazzled and confused and scared, I was calmly waiting for her because I know her. I know I know how she struggles with time. She thinks she has a lot of time and she thinks that, oh yeah, I'll get to it. Five more minutes, five more minutes on my phone and I'm going to get through this and I'll be there on time, if maybe I'll just take a shorter shower. That's what she thought. I know that, so I'm okay, I'm just calmly waiting for her. She came in, we hugged. She looked beautiful, actually Beautiful, so beautiful. But I can also see the worries on her face. I can see what she's going through, and as I was thinking of recording this, I thought, okay, what time is this? How old am I? So how far back am I going?
Speaker 1:And the one time that I thought that I wanted to go back to that self of me was the time when I was at my lowest point. This was about 19 to 20 years back, when my first marriage had just collapsed and I was in a state where I just felt that my life was I don't know. Like what's the future? Like, where am I going, what's going to happen? And that's the time I thought I wanted to go back to. I wanted to go back to her because she was broken. She was so broken at that time. She was backstabbed by the people she loved and cared about, so I wanted to go and give her a hug, and that's the time I'm talking about. This was right after her first marriage was over and before she met this wonderful man that I'm married to today, and I wanted to say thank you to her for not giving up on love, and that's why I wanted to go meet her. I really wanted to say that I'm so grateful to her that she did not let that one bad experience or that bad marriage to stop her from believing in love, and also she didn't allow that to stop her from believing that she is lovable, that she's worthy of love. So I wanted to go back to that time. Anyways, we sat down and, of course, she ordered a big chocolate shake with whipping cream on it, and I ordered my green tea.
Speaker 1:I still love chocolate shake, actually. No, I don't love chocolate shake, but I still love strawberry shake. Any fruity flavored shakes is what I love. I don't like chocolate shake as much, but would I order that? I don't love chocolate shake, but I still love strawberry shake. Any fruity flavored shakes is what I love. Now, I don't like chocolate shake as much, but would I order that? I don't think so I do. Sometimes, on a nice summer afternoon, I might go to ice cream place and order a shake, but now I ordered a small one and I don't finish it.
Speaker 1:I drink this much. I can't anymore. Not because I'm restricting myself that, oh, I shouldn't drink this. No, no, no. I really enjoy that little shake, but over time I've got used to only drinking that much and that makes me happy because I'm very mindful. I really take in the sip and I enjoy it and it's so amazing so I'm able to just enjoy that much and then I keep it for the next day.
Speaker 1:So she ordered this big chocolate shake and I ordered my green tea and I keep it for the next day. So she ordered this big chocolate shake and I ordered my green tea and we started talking and she told me how heartbroken she was. Her ex-husband had cheated on her and she had just found out that the three years that they were married he was cheating the whole time and even though she didn't even love him anymore, she probably stopped loving her, loving him six months into the marriage because she never got the love back and she just, I don't think there was any love, but she felt that she had committed herself to this relationship and she wanted to make it work. And I asked her why did you want to make it work? Why was it so important to you when you clearly could see that he didn? Why was it so important to you when you clearly could see that he didn't love you. Yes, you didn't know that he was cheating on you, but you also knew that he didn't love you, he didn't commit to the relationship at all. Then why did you want to stay in there?
Speaker 1:And she said because I fought with the whole family for this and I stopped talking to my family for this relationship, I left everyone. So I had to prove myself. I had to prove that this was the right decision. And I know, I know that feeling. Girl, I see you, I hear you. You just wanted to be liked by everyone else and you just wanted to say that no, I didn't make a mistake, because you did realize at that time. In fact, just one year into the marriage, you realized you had made a huge mistake, but you didn't want to accept it. And that's okay, girl, that's okay, it's part of your journey. And I told her how I have found this amazing man. We've been married for 18 years. We have a 13-year-old son. He loves me so much and I love him so much.
Speaker 1:We talk about everything. We talk about our inner child traumas. We talk about how our parents parented us and all that stuff that we are carrying with us and how we don't want to pass that on to our son and how we want to parent him. We talk about our parenting, our different styles and how we don't want to pass that on to our son and how we want to parent him. We talk about our parenting, our different styles and how we can find that happy medium. We dance, we laugh. In fact, we even have a podcast together which we forget to record about, record in, and we record every six months or so, but we really enjoy each other's company. We're very comfortable just sitting with each other, maybe not even saying anything. Sometimes he's silly and I'm silly with him. He allows me to stay as a child. He allows my little version, my little girl, to play. I shared that with her.
Speaker 1:And then we talked about mom. Of course, that topic had to come. For those of you who don't know, I lost my mother when I was only 14 years old and that has been a big part of my journey the healing process, the well, the first, the anger and the feeling of that how unfair was that? And anger at the universe, at the God and everyone else, and jealousy, jealousy. So she talked about this.
Speaker 1:My younger version mentioned how jealous she was when she saw other kids with their mothers or other young girls with their mothers, and how mad she was. That, why, why, why her? She talked about that. She also told me how jealous she was of our cousins because they had their moms. She was so jealous that the cousins were their moms would cook food for them. Their moms would cook food for them. Their moms would wake them up in the morning, pack their lunches to school, while she had to pack her own lunch. In fact, she had to pack her little brother and sisters lunch as well and then go to school. And then she had to come home and cook and do everything and she was so mad about it.
Speaker 1:And then I told her that anger stayed with us for a long time and just only about four years back I have finally healed from that. I have stopped being mad. I have no more jealousy because when I look at others and my journey, I see how this played a role in my journey. I see how strong I am today. Yes, it is unfair that I had to lose my mother, so unfair that all four of us, us siblings, lost our mother when we were so young. My brother was only six years old. My sister younger sister was only eight, and then there was my older sister, who was only 16, but she had to take the role of the mother for us. But today I look back and I see how that has made us, made me into who I am today, how that has made us all me into who I am today, how that has made us all four of us into the people we are, the strong, resilient women, and my brother, such a strong young man, and I appreciate the journey.
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Speaker 1:She then talked about dad. Yeah, we had to talk about dad. We talked about dad and we said that, how he was never present for us, how he was not emotionally connected, how he was a typical man from that generation. But then we also stopped ourselves and said no, we know, there was other men in our family who played the role of a father, family who played the role of a father, but our dad didn't. He was just the breadwinner of the family and he came home and went to bed. He didn't even know what grade we were in and she was mad about that as well. She said how unfair that was and why would he be like that? And she complained about it. And she said how he was responsible for everything, even mom's death, and then I told her that I have forgiven him. She couldn't believe it. She said what, how could you? She got mad at me too, but then I told her that I see his trauma, I see his conditioning, I see how he was raised and what he was told and that made him into who he was. And I forgive him today and she gets it. Now she gets it.
Speaker 1:We also talked about how we siblings didn't talk to each other. In fact, that was the time when I the time when I met her that phase in her life she was not talking to her older sister, her younger sister and her brother, just a tiny bit like he was talking to her, but he was mad at her for leaving and going and getting married to this, this man, and so he was mad and she was sad about it. She said I wish I had better relationships, I wish I had made better decisions in life and I wish I didn't marry this person. And I told her that don't worry, you're going to build that all back up. And I told her what a beautiful relation I have with my sisters and my brother. How I we are in a WhatsApp group and we me and my sisters and we talk about everything.
Speaker 1:How I call my older sister for every parenting advice, or what happens when my son was little, his stomach is hurting or he's behaving in a certain way. I call her when he started teething. How I called my elder sister and how she played the role of a grandmother. I told her about that as well. I also told her how I have built a beautiful relationship with my younger sister and now she calls me for parenting, advice me, and I told her how I've built the relation with my brother too, and he's doing better. Yes, it was tough for him to grow without a mother. He was so young and he has a lot of trauma, but he's doing better.
Speaker 1:I told her about that and I told her don't worry, your relationships with your siblings are going to be amazing. In fact, I told her that for the first time ever, all four of us went on a vacation. We all went to Mexico, and she promised me that she's going to work hard on building this relationship again. She also told me how her friends only call her when they need something or when something goes wrong in their life and they need advice. And I told her where has she gone wrong? Has she not set the boundaries right? Is she always available for them? I also asked her how do you feel when they call you? And she said I feel good, I feel really amazing. Feel when they call you? And she said I feel good, I feel really amazing.
Speaker 1:I told her all about self-worth and I told her all about how our inner child learns to take care of others, especially in our situation, because we lost our mother at a young age and she was sick and we had to do things. We had to take care of the household at a very young age. So we became caretakers. We took on this personality, this identity that we need to take care of everyone in order to be loved. And I told her how that's manifesting in her life and she was shocked to learn about that. She had no idea. She said so, it's me, it's not them. And I said think about it. Do you share your problems? And she said no, I don't tell my problems to anyone. And I told her because at a very young age she learned that she has to keep her problems to herself because she has to take care of her younger brothers and sister, brother and sister. So I told her that she stopped sharing her problem.
Speaker 1:She became this strong person outside who never has any problems. She learned that and it's a learned behavior and if she's not sharing her challenges with her friends, then they think that her life is perfect. And if she's always available for them, if she's not setting the boundaries, because it makes her feel good about it when she solves their problems or when she gives them advice. So I asked her are you helping them because you really want to or are you helping them because it makes you feel good about yourself? And she understood. She understood how she had caused that a little bit, how she had played a part in it, and she promised me that she'll make some changes. Had played a part in it and she promised me that she'll make some changes. I also told her in fact, you know what I didn't, but I also know that she lost a couple of friends in the process and that's okay. She was learning and that was a learning process, learning journey, and that was part of her life.
Speaker 1:Then she talked about how she hates her job and she wished that there was more and there's more fun. And she's like I hate waking up in the morning and going to this job. People are amazing, but I hate, hate the work. I feel there's so much more I can do. I feel there's something big I'm supposed to do. I have a purpose, but I don't know what. There's something big I'm supposed to do. I have a purpose, but I don't know what. And I'm so scared to quit my job or to do anything because what if I fail?
Speaker 1:And I told her how I have built this beautiful business, something I'm so passionate about and I love, love everything about it and how she has helped me become this person who's helping so many women now to become their best version. So I told her how amazing it is how I have time freedom, how I work on my own hours, how I work from home in my own comfort, and I am able to use everything that she has taught me in this business of mine and I'm coaching women and I'm helping them grow. I'm helping them believe in themselves and love themselves unconditionally. And she was so proud of me. But then I told her that I am so proud of you because you are the one who did the work. You are the one who gave up that fear. You are the one who believed in herself. You are the one who moved past the fear, did the uncomfortable, difficult stuff For today, me to be at this level, to be able to do this work, it's all her. So I said I was so grateful to her and I was so proud of her for doing that, because I know it was hard, I know it was so hard to do the work, but she kept doing it, she stayed committed. But then she told me that. No, I don't believe in it, I don't believe I can do this. And I told her she can Just believe in your dreams and you can.
Speaker 1:We also talked about our body. Actually, this was the time when she was not a mother yet, but she could see her body changing a little bit and she complained how she's getting older. And she said I've gained a little bit of weight around my stomach and I don't work out at all. I've never, ever, exercised in my life. I've never even stepped in a gym. And I reminded her how much she loves to dance and she still dances. And she said yes, I do dance, but that's not really exercise and I don't do it every day, I do it like on a weekend or something and I don't know, I'm not going to be healthy, I'm not making healthy choices. I eat so much chocolate. I eat so much, I love all sweet stuff and I eat all this milk chocolate and chocolate shakes and brownies and ice cream and everything. And I told her that look at me, I have a 13 year old boy. Now I'm a woman, I've given birth to a baby and I have all these curves, a body of a mother. But I love every single part of it.
Speaker 1:And I said it's because you will make that decision to take care of your body. You will step into that gym for the first time. You will figure out those machines. You will go through that fear of judgment where people are looking at you when you walk into the gym and you have no idea where to start or what to do. But you're going to face that fear and that's why today I am consistent. I work out five days a week. I do yoga three days. I pick up my weights. I figured out, I know all about that. I know how to do the right exercise, what's the right form. Because you made the decision to learn and you made the decision to go to the gym when others were looking at you at least that's what you thought and you had that fear of judgment. But you said no, I'm going to figure this out. You watched countless videos to figure it all out and I told her that I'm so grateful to her that today, at 48, I have a healthy, strong body.
Speaker 1:I can deadlift 22 pounds in each hand. That's because of her, because of what she started in each hand. That's because of her, because of what she started. And I told her that I have a we have a healthy boy because of her taking care of her own body, and I told her how much I love this body and how grateful I am for this body, because because of this body, I'm able to experience this world. This body allows me to have fun. This body allows me to dance. This body allows me to travel. This body allows me to experience the beauty of this planet that I am on. I told her about that as well. We also talked about how, one day, she wants to make an impact in this world, but she doesn't know where to start, and I told her how we are already making that impact.
Speaker 1:So we talked about so many things, but most of all, I told her that she is strong and this is just part of her journey. So stay in it. Stay with the emotions. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, scream. If you're mad at the world, it's okay to be mad at the world, but then go within, look within yourself and see what is it that needs to shift. How does she need to shift herself? But, most of all, don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on yourself just because someone betrayed you Don't give up on yourself just because the universe decided that your mother had to go at such a young age. That doesn't make you different or small. You don't have to compare your journey with anyone's journey. Just stay committed to your own journey, because one day you will look back and you will say thank you for everything that you're going through.
Speaker 1:So this was my date with her. We also danced, of course, because we love to dance. So I told her about the latest Instagram trend and we decided to create a reel together. We danced on this song. We danced on that song, which is an old Bollywood song. So, of course, she knows the words, I know the word. We have them memorized because we love Bollywood. So we both danced on that and then we hugged each other and I told her I am so proud of her and she told me that she was so proud of me, and that's it.
Speaker 1:What would your younger self say? What would you do with your younger self? I want you to take some time today and think about it. I know this was an emotional one, but we got through it and I hope you can get through it as well. Go, look back, talk to your younger version. Say thank you to her, because the reason you're still here is because she stayed strong. That's it for today. This was an amazing one. I really enjoyed recording this. Join my two days inner child healing workshop, where we will help our younger selves to heal, and we will get take them through this healing journey. And on that note, this is Sunny and her younger self signing off. Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flauthentic. Thank you for listening to the Flauthentic Me podcast. Did you relate to something or had an aha moment? I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram at Sunny underscore Lamba. You can also sign up for a newsletter so that you can get weekly tips and tools. Until next time, keep loving yourself and stay Flauthentic.