Flawthentic ME
Flawthentic ME
077: Breaking the Silence - Men's Mental Health Crisis with Sunny Chopra
Men's mental health remains stigmatized despite its critical importance, with many men suffering silently due to societal conditioning that discourages emotional expression.
In this episode, I am talking to my first male guest, Sunny Chopra, a mental health coach who transformed his own life by embracing vulnerability, shares insights on how both men and women can break the cycle of emotional suppression.
Topics covered:
• Childhood conditioning sets the foundation for emotional suppression in men
• Unprocessed emotions often emerge as anger, outbursts, or through unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive alcohol use
• External success doesn't necessarily indicate internal healing—many men appear fine while struggling silently
• The pressure of being "the provider" creates immense stress that can manifest in physical health problems
• Women can be allies by focusing on observable behaviors rather than directly addressing emotions
• Creating safe spaces for vulnerability requires patience and understanding that men may lack emotional language
• Simple practices like journaling, voice recordings, and regular emotional check-ins help build emotional awareness
• Seeking professional help removes judgment and provides essential tools for emotional expression
For more resources on men's mental health and to connect with Sunny Chopra, visit his Instagram @SunnyCCoaching or check out The South Asian Healing Podcast.
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Are you ready to accept the fact that your man is struggling? I think that takes a lot. Start with more like that surface level stuff, instead of saying, hey, I've noticed you're really sad lately. Like who every guy's going to be, like, I'm not sad. What are you talking about?
Sunny Lamba - Host:Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to Flop and Take Me. I'm your host, Sunny Lamba, and for the first time ever, we have a male guest on the podcast. I've always only had females on the podcast and I am just super excited for this conversation, Number one because it's something very close to my heart, but also because we both share the same name. Like, really, how is this going to go, Hi, Sunny? Well, hello, Sunny. So let's see how that goes. Let me introduce our guest With me. I have Sunny Chopra.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Sunny is a dedicated mental health life coach and a motivational speaker who has transformed his own life by controlling emotional struggles and embracing vulnerability. Transformed his own life by controlling emotional struggles and embracing vulnerability, Growing up with the pressure to toughen up or man up, and facing bullying. Sunny battled up his emotions for years, leading to self-doubt, anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Today, he helps men overcome emotional barriers, build confidence and create healthier relationship with themselves and others. He encourages men to engage in tough conversations, the ones we are often taught to avoid, and empowers them to express their emotions with clarity and strength. Sunny has his own podcast as well. I am so, so excited to have you here. Thank you for being on the podcast.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Wow, just, thank you for those kind words. And yeah, I wasn't aware that I was the first male here. Thank you for being on the podcast. Wow, just, uh, thank you for those kind words. And um, yeah, just, I wasn't aware that I was the first male, so even even a bigger honor, thank you for having me here.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Uh, sunny, I really like your name I wonder, why yeah yeah, yeah, no, uh, yes, you know, um, thank you for you know, reconnecting with me and, uh, how I'm wanting me to talk about this topic on your podcast. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to sharing my story. I'm looking forward to, you know, peeling it, peeling the layers and being as vulnerable as I can, because I know I'll help a lot of people.
Sunny Lamba - Host:So, just so everyone knows what's the topic, june is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to talk about it. This topic is very close to my heart and as our conversation goes, I'll share why I'm saying that over and over that, why this is so close to my heart. But I really wanted to bring the focus on that. My podcast is all about women and gender equality and mindset and all that, but mostly focused towards women, and over the years that I have been in this industry and I have been coaching, one thing I have heard over and over is that men need to be allies to women. I want to bring that focus and with your help, back to women. How can we be allies to men?
Sunny Lamba - Host:So we're talking about men's mental health today. Basically, my first question is that I have been since we were going to to be on here and I've been following you for a while. I've been watching your page and you are very, very open about how you use to bottle up your emotions for years. So my question is and maybe this is where you can talk a little bit about your story as well yeah, what finally pushed you to say enough is enough?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Yeah for sure, and thanks for providing that perspective of like. What can the females do? What finally pushed you to say enough is enough? Yeah for sure, and thanks for providing that perspective of like. What can the females do in this role for men? Because I think it plays a big part in helping men open up, and certainly for me, my wife was a big help in doing that. So for me it really stems from childhood.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:When I was five, my parents divorced and it was really confusing, not knowing what was going on and why my dad wasn't home. I didn't know what divorce meant, right, I just know dad was gone somewhere and when's he going to come home. And then there would be times where you know, through that time period of age five to seven, eight, nine that you know I would try to cry or I would be sad, and my mom would say don't cry, everything's going to be okay. And I understood that she was looking out for me, she didn't want her son to feel sad. But what that actually did that I didn't realize was I learned to suppress my emotions at such a young age and it started to result in that being that happening at school. So I got bullied, I got picked on, but I would never tell anyone, I would never tell teachers, I would never tell my mom, um, and I would just hold all that pain in, whether it was physical pain, whether it was anything like, I wouldn't react. I wouldn't react to anything if someone pushed me, punched me, no reaction whatsoever. And I remember, like as a young kid, people would say like, oh, look at Sonny, he has healing powers, he, he, just he, he doesn't feel pain. And um, it was tough.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And then fast forward to my, my 20s. I went to, like I mentioned I was, I was told I wouldn't amount to much, there wasn't a lot of hope for me, um, even my a lot of family members and just in general, school wise too, I wasn't gonna do good things. Um, I ended up getting a job at Best Buy. Um, after I graduated high school, was there for two years and just wasn't happy where I was got fired, and then I, for a year and a half, wasn't really doing much with my life. Um, this is a time where I did meet, meet my wife and it was funny. Like her parents, I was like so what does he do for work? And she's like, uh, he's working on it. He's working on it, um, so I at that time.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:The other thing that was really tough for me was, um, I started to work out, because I was always labeled that skinny kid, weak kid and you know, I just felt helpless when I was getting bullied. So I thought, maybe I'll start working out. I started to work out. It really built my confidence. Then I finally went to university for human resources and then that journey of six years of getting a degree, getting a diploma, working full time, it really built my work ethic and it made me realize like holy, I wasn't supposed to achieve all this right, I was told I wasn't going to do much in life and I was able to do this. And now, as I look back on that, at that point I felt like, okay, maybe I had overcome all the struggles of my childhood the bullying, the parents, divorce, being told I went on too much.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So I felt like I healed right, like I'm good now yeah and it gave me a sense of confidence that on the outside look at me. I'm in university, I got a degree, I got a job. Now I got a full-time career job I'm making, good money, I've I'm and it really boosted my confidence, and rightfully so. But in terms of um, standing up for myself and, um, talking about these emotions, two things. One was I just thought this is what life is as a guy like if you feel stressed, overwhelmed, sad, you just got to shut up, tough it up, keep pushing. That's what I thought. And um, the other thing that I started to find was when I would drink alcohol, um, you know, I would find myself drinking excessively and to the point sometimes of blacking out, or what would happen is I would have random outbursts. So it would be, you know, telling like family members, like how could you do this to me when I was younger, why did you do this? Right, like bringing up past issues and in a way, I felt really validated, like look at me, I'm standing up for myself. But it was almost like uh, in a very uncontrollable way. Right, it was like uh, it was just like I was like like the like, it was a tipping point and I couldn't control it right, so I was like late, like getting everything off my chest. It felt good, but then it was damaging my relationships. And then the other thing I also found was, um, especially when it was drinking, I would just if I was watching something, it'd make me really sad, especially if it was scenes of like a dad and a son. I start, I start crying and it would just happen to me randomly. So, again, at the time didn't really have knowledge of mental health or I wasn't a coach or anything like that or a speaker, so I just said, oh, it's just because I'm drunk, right, that's what it is. But it continued. It ended up getting worse and at that time I think the fact that and I've never like thought of it this way until this moment but the fact that I really thought hustle culture was the way to go, I feel like that masked the pain that I was experiencing, because it was like I gotta keep pushing, I gotta keep going on. Um, but my perspective really started to change when I started to read books. As you can probably see a lot of books back there. That was like 2018, 2019, and I read a lot of books about mental health. It really opened my mind up and I became more accepting of asking for help in 2021.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I went to therapy and it wasn't even for any of this. It it was because I had work stress. And then one of my colleagues recommended. He's like, yeah, we have free employment, you know assistance program, why don't you try it? It'll help you out and it's okay, sure.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And then within 10 minutes it was right about my childhood, dove into the childhood stuff and, just, you know, fast forward working through all that.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And then I just realized like wow, like the reason these outbursts were happening, the reason this random crying was happening, because a lot of what happened to me as a child I never let it out and it was coming up in my, you know, 20s and 30s and early 30s. And even though on the outside I had the success, inside I had it healed. And then that's where I finally I still believe healing can be an ongoing journey, but there is, there is a foundation that you can heal from right. And I had finally felt like, okay, I've healed now. And I was like wow, like I'm sure other guys are going through this too and other guys are experiencing the pain. Other guys are thinking that this is how life has to be. But it doesn't have to be that way, and that's when I really became a coach, speaker and really an advocate for men's mental health. So I know that's a long answer, but I wanted to talk about my story as well as answer that question many layers of things came up as you were talking.
Sunny Lamba - Host:You said like outbursts, and I don't want to put this focus back on that there's something wrong with men, but I want to have the society take that responsibility that why is this happening? My husband, who's the most calm person ever, but I have seen him have outbursts when he's outside in some some situation. Someone said something, or or you're standing in a line and you're not being served, and he's like waiting, waiting, and then suddenly there's this outburst. And then we blame the men for that, but we don't see that. Why is this happening? Because there's so much of that suppressed emotion that you don't feel safe taking it out, or they don't have the tools to let it out in a healthy way. So then it comes out as an outburst. And the other thing you mentioned there were so many, but I had to grab a paper and write this one was that when you would be drunk you would cry and you thought, oh, it's because I'm drunk.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And.
Sunny Lamba - Host:I have seen that with my family, my uncles and, like you know, in the extended family that they would get overly emotional when they're drunk. Oh, you are my daughter, oh, you are this and that, and you understand. In our culture we've seen that the truth is because when they are drunk the barriers are down.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Exactly Now, they are more authentic.
Sunny Lamba - Host:All that conditioning and all those walls have kind of, and that's when all those emotions come up. Yeah, and unfortunately, we've built a society where men have to be drunk to be able to cry. Yes, yeah, okay. So from your story I had so many things, but there's one thing I want to ask you. You talk a lot about vulnerability and you said that you were able to, like, you went to therapy and within 10 minutes there was probably flood works or something.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yes was probably flood works or something. Yes, but for many men that word is foreign. Or or, if you ask them to be vulnerable it feels like some.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:It feels threatening.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah, what, what for you? What does vulnerability look like in everyday life?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:just just being real and being authentic and I think showing up in not always having having to have everything together right, I think it's important and I think the support around you is is as important as well my wife's, really supportive in that and the people around me. You know, just because I've been doing this work for several years, people know how I am and how willing I am to be vulnerable. But I think early on I think it does. Like you mentioned, sometimes we don't have that language or we don't know how to do it. I certainly didn't know how to do it right and I didn't. It was until I started going to therapy, reading books, getting that kind of um language and even standing up for myself. Right, I didn't. I didn't do it in the right way. Yes, I stood up for myself. What is a very, very aggressive way. I didn't know. I just knew I was hurt, but I didn't know how to voice it.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And I think sometimes men don't have that emotional language because we're not taught how to have that right and I think commonly what we see is either someone who's like me, who just like, takes, doesn't say a word and, like you said, is calm, nice and then explodes or there's someone that is just always angry, upset and they're raging right there's. It's hard to have that in between, right, I always tell people let's get like the clients I work with. I want to get you to a point where you're kind but you're firm as well. Right, let's find that balance. Right, because it's hard and um for me, it was just not knowing the language. But, yeah, like you to answer your question. How does it show up every day? Like, I think, just being as real as I can. Like if I'm not all right and things aren't going well, I mean I'm not going to go tell every single person I'm not having a great day, but I mean the people close to me. If I'm not able to make an obligation or go somewhere, I'll tell them.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Hey, listen, I got a lot on my plate right now. I'm really stressed, I'm overwhelmed. I can't do this right now, like, let's touch base. I can't do this right now, like, let's touch base. It has nothing to do with you, it's just me. I need, I need space versus saying, oh, I can't come by. Right, like I'm really. And it gives me some kind of that validation as well that I'm validating my feelings and not necessarily going everywhere and telling everyone, but it's like it's the reason why I can't do this, or the reason I can't have this conversation with you right, because I'm really overwhelmed and it takes some time, because it's almost like you want to do it all and everything and it's you got to honestly check your ego. I've been burnt out several times in my life. It's that's one thing I realized is asking for that help checking your ego and saying I can't do all this. I got to say no to something because I'm going to suffer the most here.
Sunny Lamba - Host:And it brings me back to that childhood conditioning. In your case, growing up without a male model, without a father. There's this. I feel that men have this pressure on them that, oh, toughen up, man up and do everything. I'm just imagining, as a seven, eight year old probably, there was that thing that, okay, you're the man of the house, that's the thing we say, even though there's the mother there. But oh, you know, you've got to do more, do more.
Sunny Lamba - Host:I know my husband is such a type A that he'll keep taking on things, keep taking on. He feels like he. I always say I'm like you're not Superman, it's okay, calm down, you don't have to do everything. And then there's that conditioning of being the provider. That's really big that a man has to be the provider. And now I want to talk about why this is so close to my heart.
Sunny Lamba - Host:In 2020, when the COVID started, my husband lost his job and he was without a job for one and a half years. My husband is a very healthy man. He takes care of his health, he works out, he eats very healthy and I don't even know how like his. His habits are just crazy. Like if he says no sugar means like that's it. No one can force him. He won't even like take one small bite Right and still by the end of this one and a half year. Okay, he got his job and all, but his blood pressure was out the roof and it's because he took so much stress of being the provider for the family yeah, yes right.
Sunny Lamba - Host:So that conditioning, I think also plays a big role that men are like no, I gotta work, work, work, because if I don't, then who would do you feel that pressure? Or do you feel men maybe men in your practice feel that?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Yeah, I think in a general sense, yeah, that is there, it certainly is, and I think it's just something that, like you said, it's hard right Because you just think that's what you have to do.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And I think, like I've even recently, I've worked with a lot of men who do find putting themselves first is hard right and, again, it's putting yourself first may sound like say no to everyone and, just, you know, go have a massage and tell everyone see you later, but it doesn't have to be like that right, there's balance and I think what I always tell people and what works for me is, like you know, filling my wife in and like, hey, like this week I got a lot of things to do, like I need your help with with things right, like you know, whether splitting house duties or, um, doing certain things, I need your help. I'm not going to be able to do it, because I know I'm going to get overwhelmed and it's just sharing, like really what you're feeling and having like that dialogue and that support, rather than just saying I can do it all together. And then, after you, you know, the other thing for me that I used to do not no more. I've been seven months sober so I stopped drinking. But what I used to do not, not no more. Um, I've been I've been seven months sober, so I stopped drinking. But what I'd used to do what this would mask a lot of like my overwhelm would be okay. So you know, I have a lot to do during the week. I'm just gonna keep pushing, pushing, because I know on the weekend I'll be, I'll be having a few drinks and it'll calm me down.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:But really what that was doing was it was just, it was like an endless cycle, right, maybe I felt relief for that weekend, but then it would just be the same thing over and over and I just felt like, obviously for other reasons, alcohol was not allowing me to be the best version of myself, both professionally and personally. And, um, now that I've taken out of my life, I'm having to, I'm having to be more aware, because I I nor do I, nor do I want or have that option of, hey, on the weekend I can go drink. You know, I gotta incorporate mindful practices, I gotta start doing fun things. I gotta start, um, you know, doing deep breathing and relaxing, right, because now I don't have something artificial that's feeling that, and I'm happy it's not because it didn't feel natural.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So I think it's just you as a guy, you need to look at the, the bigger picture, like or even for the women listening, like, what is the bigger picture like? If the man continues to go down this road, where could it lead to? Right? Alcohol, drugs, overworking, like there's, or eating, like there's a lot of these things that obviously men are gonna go to those avenues, right, and you can. You can like say to someone like, oh, you know, you can, you can continue to push through and they may push through, but you're gonna see them turning to these various means to cope with right. So it's really as I think, as a guy, you need to look at like is this worth it? Is it really worth it for me to do all this? And then I I feel so overwhelmed and I'm just so like go, go, go. How do I calm this down? Right, maybe I need to need to, you know, like smoke or drink. That just makes the problem worse.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah, and also the physical manifestation, the health. We know that the rate of heart attack and all is more prevalent in men and that is because of the stress and that is because they don't have an outlet. I was talking to my husband the other day and same thing. I'm a part of Toastmasters and I, as I said, this topic is close to my heart. So I was doing a speech on men's mental health at my Toastmasters club and they started talking to me and my husband. I wanted to know his viewpoint on that and I said that we women, we are known to have little communities. We talk about emotions, we talk about all the struggles and everything. And I asked him do you guys do that?
Sunny Lamba - Host:And he's like no, I'm like you don't talk about your emotions, like, what do you talk about? He's like we talk about politics, we talk about economy, we talk about war. I get that that. Okay, those are important topics, but what about, as you said, making myself a priority? About, as you said, making myself a priority? Yeah, it's not common. Okay, let me ask you this actually so if a friend and you were already in healing, but before, just for a moment, let's channel back to that old Sunny and if it was you with your bunch of guys and someone said, oh, you know what, I'm dealing a lot emotionally or without being drunk, that person starts crying. What would be the reaction in a group of men usually?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:um, yeah, I'm just trying to put myself back in that I would just say like, hey, everything's gonna be okay, you'll be fine. You're, you can overcome it, you're strong, keep pushing. I mean I've I've always, personally, I've never been like um, I've been a more gentle, kind person but I could see other people saying like you need to like just shut up and tough it up.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:You know, don't be a wimp. I've been through worse, you got this, and I mean that that doesn't really help, right. Like it's just like, yeah, you're saying you believe in the person, but like that's like. That's kind of like saying like, oh yeah, go in the house that's on fire right now. You'll be fine. You know you're really. You have good agility, you'll be able to like the fire will be coming on to you, but you can run around, just go Instead of saying like, hey, do not go on the fire.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:What's wrong with you? Right? But again, it could be maybe because people don't care. It could be because they've gone through something similar, so to them it seems a norm, like this is normal. Or it could be they don't know how to support you, right, they just don't know what the language is because they don't do it themselves, right. And I always tell people it could be all three of those reasons, one of those reasons. Or they're just there to, like, you know, have a good, have a good time, get drunk and just didn't want to talk about that, right?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So it's very sad, because then I think, when you're in that setting and you feel that it's almost like, maybe you know, this group of people are right, maybe I am being a win, maybe I just need to shut up and toughen up, like for me, my approach has really changed. Like I still believe in resilience, I still believe in, like, overcoming the odds and pushing through, but now what I do is I'll still have that same mindset. But now I'll say, okay, but I, I'm also suffering right now. I need a break, like I'm gonna lose my mind. So then I tell myself, okay, maybe I'll take a day. I need to rest, whatever that looks like, sleep more, uh, do something fun all day, then I'll come back to it stronger, whereas before it was like sunny, just shut up, push through and toughen up right.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So I've kind of adapted that approach like the hard nose approach, because I just think it's it's not healthy, it's just um, especially talking to yourself in that way it's not good and I think a lot of us guys just do that and we use it as like you know oh, this is, I'm gonna use this as an obstacle like why create extra obstacles? There's already enough obstacles in life that we all probably have. Why create more?
Sunny Lamba - Host:yeah, why create more? And, and it's as you said, it's that balance. But even just taking that one moment to say, okay, I'm feeling these emotions and they're valid, yes, I have this thing, I gotta get through it. But let me just take two minutes and say, okay, my emotions are valid, yeah, and I know what I'm going through, let me get through, finish this project or whatever, and then I'm going to come back and take rest. Even that acknowledgement, I think, yeah, okay. So I want to. I I really want to now come back to because I told you, most of my audience are women. You want to focus on that. I want women to understand number one, that their men are suffering, the men in their life, whether it's their partners, their brothers, their fathers or their even sons.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Now I have a 13 year old boy, and that's the second reason this is very close to my heart, because, since he was very young, I've always said it's okay to cry, it's okay to cry, you can cry, don't worry, you can cry. And then he turned 12. And something switched. My son, a year ago, would lose a basketball game and would be the only boy shaking hands, with other teams sobbing. And he would be shaking hands, but he was okay to cry. But now, when they lose the game, I don't see I can feel it, but there's no tears come out, which is okay, of course you know I don't see I can feel it, but there's no tears come out, which is okay, of course you know you don't have to cry on the court. But maybe even later, and if I ask him are you okay? He's like yeah, I'm okay. And now I'm like, oh, my gosh, like even though I tried my best to tell him it's okay, he's still getting messaging from outside that's what it seems like he's watching them.
Sunny Lamba - Host:He's watching, he's a sportsman, so he's watching games on tv, the big athletes, yes, he doesn't see any man crying yeah, or or anything. So now I'm scared. So I want the women who are listening to take a moment and really recognize the fact that, even though the men in our lives are putting a brave face, it is going to show up in some other form in their life. And then I want from you to ask you this question that what can they do if they know that, okay, my partner, my father or someone is, how can we women create that safe space, maybe, or encourage to talk or something?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And you kind of nailed one point on the head. But I think one thing I would say is to the females are you ready to learn about this stuff? I think that's a question that you probably don't think of asking, but are you ready to? Accept the fact that your man is struggling. I think that takes a lot and I've seen situations, personally, professionally, where that does happen. The man opens up and the woman can't take it because it's very, it's overwhelming, it's hard.
Sunny Lamba - Host:You just called me out. Yeah, you just called me out. Yeah, yeah.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:But yeah, just sorry, I'll answer the question Like I've had that happen. So I think you have to, as a woman, prepare yourself for that. It's almost like I know this is an extreme example but let's say someone's been in an accident, right, and they're at the hospital, and you've been told, hey, they're at the hospital, really bad accident, you should go see them, right, and you're kind of preparing yourself. You kind of know that physically they're damaged, right. So you kind of preparing yourself, you kind of know that, you know physically they're they're damaged, right. So you kind of prepare yourself.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I would suggest, maybe using that same thing, like, okay, I'm gonna approach my husband, my boyfriend, whatever it may be, prepare a little bit that there is gonna be some um, you know stuff that he's been carrying and, um, know that it's, it's all, it's a part of him, it is who he is. Our emotions are us right good, bad, happy, sad. They're all us. And I think preparing that and knowing that it's not going to be a one-time thing, like these kind of things are ongoing, especially if you tell the guy like, hey, like I, I know you've been struggling a lot, I've seen it. Like you mentioned, I see it show up in other ways. Maybe I notice you're drinking more, I notice you're eating more um, you know, doing doing more weed, or just you're. You're just like you're not as connected or present. What can I do to support you, right? What can I take off your plate, or do you need breaks or do you need rest, like I think trying to take tasks off might be a good way to do it, but also know like he may not have that emotional language, right, so these are things you might have to do, it, but also know like he may not have that emotional language, right, so these are things you might have to do is like to say those surface level things, right, explore the why not? Like, oh, you're drinking so much. Like yeah, obviously that may be a problem, but why are you drinking so much? What's going on? Tell me, speak to me, I want to know, I want to hear this, right, and I think, start with more like that surface level stuff. Um, instead of saying, hey, I've noticed you're really sad lately, like who every guy's gonna be like, I'm not sad, what are you talking about? Right? So start with like the action. Start with actions, not emotions, and then I think over time, you can build that dialogue.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I remember for, like, even my wife she initially for me she tried to open me up, like that and I would I'm not sad, I'm fine, relax, because it's always like it was almost like. If she thinks I'm always sad, and especially when we're dating, like I was like maybe she won't want to be with me, so then that that was kind of like my fear as well, right? So I think it's the other thing to reassure them as well that you are, you want to accept all parts of them and that you want to support them, you want to help them get through it and just say, hey, I'm really concerned, right, like, whether it may be drinking or eating or like whatever it may be, you can say I've seen this, it's getting out of hand, and I really want to help you and support you. And if I'm not the person, maybe maybe there's someone in your circle, maybe it's talking to someone, right, because obviously the support our spouse can give us is great. But sometimes you do need that dialogue directly from a male as well, right, because it's a different kind of setting.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And, uh, the other thing I would tell people too is don't, don't talk about your struggles with anyone because a lot of people, especially in our community, they won't know how to help you or they won't know how to listen. You got to be really selective of it, because the more you get shut down, the more it's just. You're basically just, you know, harming yourself in that sense, right like for me. When I first started open up, I identified like family members in my family who had previously shared their struggles of mental health and I went to them instead of going to everyone, and then over time it just became a thing where it became a part of who I am and now I, you know I won't go around talking about it, but if someone asks me, like you know what's your journey, I'll tell them like it's. It's not something I'm, you know, not not something I find hard anymore, but you know, sometimes it still gets me. Even sharing it with you today got me a little emotional, but yeah um, yeah, yeah, I hope that answers it yeah, it does.
Sunny Lamba - Host:It definitely helps and, as you said, you know, I even tell, even with my clients mostly they're women, but I still say, we women have a tendency to share it with everyone. So I always say, no, find your safe people, because there are people who are not your safe people and they're going to judge you yeah, they're going to invalidate your emotions and just say, oh, it's no big deal. So you have to, sometimes through intuition maybe, just find those safe people. As you said, look at people who've talked about it and, if not, then you know, seek help. There's nothing wrong in seeking professional help, someone like you. They can reach out to you for men, right?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Absolutely and.
Sunny Lamba - Host:I know in our culture, mental health, even though it's we have come far, I'm proud of us, but it's still a taboo, it's still a tough work to do, yeah.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Lots of work to do, but seek that professional help because that's a safe space, for sure, and that's where there will be no judgment and you have someone who's not biased, who doesn't have their own conditioning letting them think in a certain way, even though we all have conditioning, but a coach like you or me, we know how to look at it in a nonjudgmental way, of course yes.
Sunny Lamba - Host:When I did my speech at Toastmasters I was doing some research and I found some numbers and I'm not going to go into too much stats, but this one really blew my mind. There was a survey done and thousand men were asked the reason that. Why do you not talk about your emotions and why do you not share that? Yeah, and 40 of them said I have learned to just deal with it yeah I don't want to be a burden. 23 said I'm too embarrassed. 18 said there is stigma.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:There you go. You hit the most common thing, right.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah. And then 14% said I don't want to appear weak and another leftover, whatever, said I have no one to talk to. Do you think that's true? Yes, 100%.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:It is everything that you just spoke about is, I think, the biggest obstacle for men to speak about it. And it's tough, right, like you know, like if I was to dive into dealing with it. I think dealing with it they just kind of going back to what I was saying when I was going through that journey of university. You know, I had, I had periods of stress, overwhelm, sadness, burnout, but I was quote, unquote dealing with it, right, just pushing through, but that's not really dealing with it. You're're just like I said, you're going in the house with the fire, you're running through the house, you're burning, but you're just like, oh, I'm dealing with it, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, right, so what exactly is that dealing with it? And I think, like I don't want to be a burden, like I want to help you, because one of the things it's like a quote I always heard like the more you look after yourself, the better you'll be for other people. And until I truly experienced getting therapy and working on myself and healing, that's the only thing I realized I just thought, oh, it's just a quote, that sounds all nice, but it's so true, because the more happier I became, the better I became. Not only did I become better for my family and my wife, but now I'm able to help other people, and I wouldn't have done that had I not taken a step back and saying I'm sick and tired of this, I need help, I'm suffering, um, I need to talk about it, I need to heal, and it was hard. Obviously there's a lot of, like you said, conditioning and things that you know in our culture that like don't talk about it, don't appear weak. So there's a lot of that like shifting right and it took some time, but as a result, I'm happier, and the more happier and better I am, the more I can give to others too okay.
Sunny Lamba - Host:so we talked about the why, the conditioning, we talked about what's going on, the struggles and the challenges and the what, but let's go to the how. Now, what can, if you have to give three things? What can someone do when they feel like they're struggling with their emotions or with mental health? Some tips or something you share with your clients, without talking about seeking help? Yes, that's the last step, but what can they just do day-to-day basis? Yeah, for sure, I think you know, like I was saying, I think that's the last step.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:But what can they just do day-to-day basis? Yeah, for sure, I think, um, you know, like, like I was saying, I think that's the best thing, just that's the best part. To start is because, obviously, um, it's a lot easier. No one's gonna judge you, um, but you know, I think journaling or recording voice clips, like that's what I used to do. I remember before I would just record voice clips and delete them after, just because, like what if someone steals my phone and hears this? Because I was like I don't want them? It's not like I was sharing anything secretively, it's just more about, like, what I'm telling you today, right, the mental struggle.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So I would record voice clips and as I started to do that more, I was able to dig in deeper, like, oh okay, this situation, this person, pissed me off, but now, if I think about it, it didn't piss me off, it really hurt me what they, how they treated me, right. So I, as I start to do that more and check in with myself not on a daily basis, maybe like a few days I think it's important and like, get away from being on your phone all the time. I sometimes struggle to do that too, but I'll always in my morning, like the first 10 minutes I won't look at my phone, I'll journal. Then I'll look at my phone after because I want to set myself up for the day. And same thing at night and throughout the day, if I have a really, really busy day, I'll sit in my backyard and, just like you know, look at the, look at the sun if it's out, or meditate.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So I think it's like giving yourself space and just asking yourself how are you feeling? How are you doing today? What bothered you today? What are you doing today? What bothered you today? What are you happy about? Right, asking yourself these common questions. And then the other thing is educating yourself reading books on mental health, and if you don't want to read, there's audiobooks or there's podcasts. Right, there's so many podcasts, like obviously this one, but then there's so many other ones where you can learn about mental health.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Uh, and that's what I did initially, right, like, um, I did the journaling I'm sorry the voice clipping, I only did actual journaling, like the last two years.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:But reading books really, really opened my mind and changed my perspective on mental health. And then, connecting with like-minded people right, connecting with people, like I mentioned, who talk about mental, also going to like workshops, going to go to webinars, um, watching youtube videos right, then it started to really open my mind and made me realize, although I don't know all these people I don't know the people in the books, I don't know the people in the workshops I didn't feel alone anymore and it felt like what I was experiencing was something it started to become normalized, that okay, maybe I'm not the only one going through this, because sometimes it feels that way, and it just allowed me to open up. So these are some tips and I think, like, try to take breaks as well, like schedule breaks. Don't just take breaks when you're like, oh, I have nothing to do, so I'm just going to chill. Like, no, actually schedule breaks, especially if you're really busy, if it's five minutes, 10 minutes. Just have some alone time with yourself and that can go a long way.
Sunny Lamba - Host:My favorite one that you said is the voice clips, because if I tell my husband to journal, he'll think I'm out of my mind. Yeah, you want me to sit down and write, are you?
Sunny Lamba - Host:kidding me, but I think that voice clips is a really good idea because if someone who's never journaled, or if you're like my wife journals I don't journal that's silly. Then yeah, doing those voice clips, just delete them if you want to delete them later. I really love that. I think that would really, as you said, you start seeing the patterns and you start seeing, oh, what's really happening down here underneath the layers? I love, love, love that. Okay, so I didn't tell you this part, but I end my podcasts with a rapid fire round and it's gonna be really fun.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So are you ready?
Sunny Lamba - Host:yeah, let's do this okay. Tears in public, powerful or uncomfortable in public.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Uh, I, I I would say uncomfortable still.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah, it would yeah, I think so too. Yeah, even for me, actually, I I find that the ideas in public are uncomfortable. First word that comes to your mind when you hear the word therapy healing what would the old sunny would have said for that? The first word when you hear therapy.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I don't need it. I'm nothing's wrong with me that's not a word, but uh, yeah, yeah, but you know what I mean. Like I would be like that's for people who struggle. But you know, all of us struggle in some way yeah, that's for people who struggle.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah, or uh, that's for people who have mental health challenges. I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I wanted to ask that part also because this is the healed part of you, but I wanted to kind of get into the brain of everyone else who's listening to this, or the women who are listening to this. Your personal, oh, what's your favorite motivational song or something that hypes you up? It doesn't have to be motivational song, but when you're feeling low, a song that hypes you up.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Uh, not necessarily a song, but I do like to listen to uh, les Brown.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Okay, motivation speaker yeah, he, he did a speech. It's called a Les Brown Georgia film and it just is very inspiring, just because our stories are similar. Like he, uh, you know was told he wouldn't amount too much, as a young kid as well, and the odds were against him. So I always, when I'm being a speech or like a part even today actually, I was. When I woke up I was a little tired, but I'm like I want to put myself in a good state, so I listened to that before we we uh, recorded this yeah, I got to see him live in vegas in 2019 and on stage, but I didn't get to meet him but he was on stage and I was in the audience and he's just such a charismatic speaker and he's so funny he's so funny and he's.
Sunny Lamba - Host:He's like when he talks about him as a little guy you could actually see him being that little kid when he talks about his mother and when he bought the house for his mother, like very, very motivational. I love, love, love that guy. One thing you wish every woman would know about men's mental health all guys are suffering in some way.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:They all are, whether they show it or not. They are suffering and that doesn't mean anything's wrong with them. It just means they're human.
Sunny Lamba - Host:If the five-year-old or the seven-year-old Sunny would meet you today, what would he say?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:He wouldn't believe that this is me. He would think, wow, how did you turn your life around and do this? And yeah, I actually was thinking about because I was doing a speech for elementary school students a few weeks ago and that's what I was thinking. And yeah, he would. I think he'd be intimidated by me, like, well, you're, this is me so it's uh, it really goes to show me proud as well.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:You think he'll be proud yeah, yeah, and more so for the internal work. I would say as much as as great as it is that I have these external accomplishments, you know, being in human resources, being a coach, being a speaker I think he'd be more proud of the internal work I've done what's more stressful crying in therapy or assembling Ikea furniture? I suck with that. Actually, my wife really helps me do that, so, oh my gosh, it's the same with us.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:My husband sucks at it and I'm the one who figures it out I've actually I have cried in therapy and it's really like in that setting it's very like therapeutic I would say, and it's very like it feels good. So I mean, I don't always do it, but between the two, if I had to do one, I would rather cry, okay beach, or Beach or mountain. Beach.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Okay, and you live in BC, so you have both. You have both, though, right, right, yeah, what's a favorite? And I know you said you listen to a lot of podcasts. What's a favorite podcast that you would recommend to anyone who's a man, who's struggling with mental health?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty is awesome. I mean sometimes he interviews, um, you know, like celebrities and stuff, but then the ones he talks about like mental health and those kind of topics, and like psychologists, therapists and so forth, those are the. For me personally, those are the ones I resonate with most. Yeah, um, but I think he's he's really good, he's really relatable and he really simplifies things yeah, and your own podcast yeah, yeah, that's it yeah we'll talk about that in the end as well.
Sunny Lamba - Host:But yes, your podcast, I think is really amazing for men to listen to one emotion you think more men should embrace um, feeling being hurt?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:hurt, I think they do. I feel like when they're hurt they react with anger or they react with, like you know, cutting people off and stuff. But I think really exploring why you've been hurt, it makes it a lot better to communicate and resolve the issue with the individual, right? But again, with that there's so much stigma, there's so much like oh, I don't want to appear weak, but that's one thing I noticed in a lot, especially the clients I work with, is they're just hurt and the way they're reacting is anger.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Yeah, wow, when someone says I'm fine, what does it actually mean?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:99%. They're not fine, they're not, they're not, it's just. Yeah, like it could be a number of reasons, but it's almost never that they're fine. There's something going on there.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Okay, what's the one thing you can eat over and over and over your favorite snack or food that you can eat anytime. You'll never get sick and tired of it.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I'll say pepperoni pizza.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Okay, my son as well. What's on your night table right now?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Right now I have my journal, so like my journal, journal, phone charger and then the book I read, like just basically because I have like a book that I usually read, um. So I actually just got a new one recently oh, what's it called again? Uh, it basically like talks about um, about how to charge your battery, in terms of like kind of like what we're talking about today, like avoiding that burnout and like knowing how to say no and stuff, so really learning that.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:So yeah, I was like that's. The other thing I do too is I'll journal and then no meditate journal, then read for 10 to 15 minutes, yeah, and then I'll start my day.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Sounds very similar to my routine. In the morning I meditate, workout journal, and then I used to read in the morning, now in the afternoon. But yeah, sounds like my day. I just love it. My last question is my favorite question. I ask everyone the name of this podcast is Flaw-thentic me, so can you fill in the blanks?
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I am flaw-thentic because I am flaw-thentic because I'm going to mess up. I'm going mess up, I'm gonna make mistakes. I mean I still do, um, you know I still have good days, bad days, but I'll take it, I'll embrace it with um. You know all parts of me and it kind of reminds me of what I was having a conversation with someone last week and I told them I have, like, this vision of leaving a legacy behind right, like it's very um. You know I'm only turning 35 soon, but I'm still thinking.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:I'm thinking about my legacy. I'm thinking about generations after me and the impact I leave. And that's not that's to do with, like, how I help people, how I help with my family, my friends, being that person that showed up for them and helping out the community, and that's something I want to have a lasting impression on right. And I was asked like but isn't that pressure for you to be a certain way? I'm like no, it's not, because I'm going to be me regardless my mistakes, my successes, my failures, everything. I want all of that to show and not just be this perfect person that's romanticized. I want them to look at all parts and I just want that in itself, just me being me, them to look at all parts and I just wanted that in itself. Just me being me, I feel like that in it.
Sunny Lamba - Host:That in itself will speak more volumes and last longer than it would be if people just looked at my good parts, if that makes sense yeah, no, it totally makes sense, and we are scared to show things that we perceive as mistakes or negatives or flaws, but that's what makes us who we are, and if we just be ourselves, I think that's a bigger example to show to the world being vulnerable, showing our true selves. I just love, love, love it. And you just said you're 35. Oh gosh, you're way, way younger than me. Where can my listeners find you and if you can share about your podcast as well and your coaching.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Yeah for sure. So best way to find me is on Instagram Sunny C Coaching Sunny C Coaching and I'm currently taking clients on. I think the biggest thing that I think we talked about today is just helping them navigate tough challenges or tough conversations. So, whether that's about opening up about their mental health or conflicts with others because I think for me the biggest struggle was standing out for myself, right, just just to everyone in my life it was hard and I didn't know how to do it, but, like I mentioned, that firmness and kindness approach, I really want to help people adapt that. But that's what I really work on with clients. And then also shifting their mindset on mental health, stigma and, just, you know, reclaiming all parts of themselves in their life. So that's something that I help clients out with as well, um, and from time to time I have had female clients as well, so that's something I'm open to as well kind of around the same things. And then it could also be just their relationship with, um, their partner, and it can even be a couple of things. So I'm certainly open to that.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:And then, in terms of the podcast, it's the South Asian Healing Podcast. Lately I've had a lot of solo episodes so you'll see like topics of, like therapy, my experiences, kind of like what I talked about today. A lot of it is shared in detail. I've been talking about, like my alcohol journey, I've been talking about therapy, alcohol journey. I've been talking about therapy, bullying, childhood, like really everything that things don't, things that don't get talked about. Yeah, and then I'll have guests on as well where we talk about different topics relating to the same stuff and you know, I'd love to have you on as well. I think it would be really, really good.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Oh, I would love that. I would love that I do. I missed this, so I do want to congratulate you on being sober for seven years.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Thank you, yeah, seven months.
Sunny Lamba - Host:Seven months. Well, that's big, that's amazing. I really want to congratulate you on that and I'm trying to break that stigma where people are like, oh, but why, because my husband was sober for two years and, oh gosh, everyone's like, but why you can have one drink. So I want to break that stigma, so I want to congratulate you.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Thank you.
Sunny Lamba - Host:And for anyone who's listening sometimes when we ask our partners or the men in our life what's going on, and all they're not open to have that conversation. So a really good way and this is my one tip I want to give everyone is you can send them to Sunny's page. Let them because they don't want to hear from you right? Sometimes, you know, we don't want to hear from our partners and moms and direct them, say hey, you know, I just saw this Instagram reel of this guy and he's talking about men's mental health. It's so amazing. Forward them that reel from Sunny's page and that is one way that they can get that help without feeling being judged or anything they can relate to another man talking about it. So I really wanted to say that that's my one tip go follow him. He has he's doing really amazing work. Thank you for doing all that you're doing and I truly enjoyed this conversation. Thank you so much yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sunny Chopra - Guest:Thank you for providing me the space and I felt really comfortable being vulnerable and sharing my story and sharing a lot of insight and just my observations, as you know, my personal experience and just what I see in my circle and my clients. So thank you so much.
Sunny Lamba - Host:You're welcome and, on that note, this is Sunny Square signing off. Until next time, keep loving yourselves and stay Flauthentic. Thank you for listening to the Flauthentic Me podcast. Did you relate to something or had an aha moment? I would love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on Instagram at Sunny underscore Lamba. Until next time, keep loving yourself and stay Flauthentic.